It was a beautiful spring day today. We had a chance to get out to do yard work. I spent a short time alone working on the front gardens which have become my little project for the past couple summers. Last year in the last couple weeks before Loukah was born I went crazy, revamping and transplanting...splitting perennials and trading other plants with neighbours. In the fall Trystan helped me put in about 200 bulbs. I have no idea what most of them were or where we put them. I have no idea if I planted them correctly or when I should expect them to bloom - but we had fun working together in the garden and we are enjoying the daily process of checking for blooms.
Gardening is not something the comes naturally to me. It's fair to say I'm a brown thumb. But when I plunge my hands into the dirt I feel connected to something great and I get excited about what I'm doing. When I realise that my little plants are growing and blooming - I feel a sense of satisfaction that cannot be mimicked in other things. The cycle of the seasons fascinates and amazes me - and I think anyone who refuses to call it miraculous is perhaps sitting on the doorstep of cynicism. My grandmother always said nature was her church and I understand what she meant. Plants wither, they brown and dissolve into the earth - yet suddenly, with the spring come the green blooms of new life....what is that if not miraculous! Life! How can you not honour life on a spiritual level??? I'm not talking about church (that's a deeply personal matter I will never touch in these pages) but spiritually - things you feel with your soul...LIFE!!
I don't know much about gardening. But I know that when I'm leaning down, coaxing little lives to sprout from the brown earth - I feel closer to nature, closer to my sister and mother, and most precious of all, I sense my grandmothers presence in a profound way. As this little ritual with Trystan and Loukah evolves I hope I can instill the same sense of love, wonder and respect for nature in all it's complicated simplicity. I hope that one day my grandchildren will dig in the dirt and feel my presence too. That would be miraculous to me :D
G'Night
Thursday 12 April 2012
Tuesday 27 March 2012
Living
When I was pregnant with Trystan I began having nightmares.
The first was probably the most frightening experience of my life. I call it a nightmare - but in truth, it was an experience that changed me. It felt like a brush with something unworldly. I still find it difficult to talk about and I am often haunted by images or thoughts from this experience.
The other nightmares emerged with a recurrent theme of drowning. Each time I was responsible...each time - we all drown. It was horrifying. I was afraid that these were foreshadowing of some sort of postpartum psychosis and had no idea what to make of them.
One day a client of mine was telling me about the dream work she was doing to deal with her own depression. She explained that dreams are simply stories that can never harm you - but you need to assign meaning to them in order to direct your conscious and alleviate stress. She had no idea that day what an impact she was having on me (she should have been the one getting paid for that session!) I went home thinking about all these terrible images I had been grappling with in my sleep. What could the meaning be? How can I turn these experiences into something positive - useful...or at the very least - less terrifying?
The first - I have to admit I have never fully come to grips with - but have gained some level of comfort from the idea that I needed to stop allowing shame and guilt to play such a powerful role in my life. I'm still working on these abilities.
The other dreams...the drowning dreams have become a huge part of my parenting philosophy. In these dreams - I realised - that I was never actually afraid. I did all I could to save myself and my family - but I only felt fear when I woke up and realised what I had been dreaming. So there it is...I decided that as a mother I need to teach my children - do everything you can to live - but never be afraid to die.
This may seem very dark and gloomy to some, but I find it inspiring. It gives me direction in my parenting - and in my spirituality. We are not a religious family in the church sense of the word. But we have strong beliefs in the universe, in goodness and love and living life in a mindful way. I believe that being able to talk about death is an important part of living. Recognising the circle of life - and exploring your ideas about what is 'beyond' can be an exciting conversation! Most of all - I believe that the worst part of death is the fear of it. So...if we can find a way NOT to fear it, we are free to live!
Don't get me wrong...I don't kiss my kids on the head at night and say..."fight to live but die smiling!" I just keep this idea in the back of my mind - and I reflect carefully on how I answer questions - how I will answer questions as they come in the future. We encourage our children to value all lives from bugs to biggies. We talk about death in a matter of fact way - try not to make it more or less than it is. And we talk about life in all its beauty. We point out the changing of seasons. We notice out loud the smells in the air, the greens all around us, the flowers sprouting up from last years bulbs.
Life is not always easy, it can be ugly and confusing and we are all touched at times by things that we can not understand. But living...living is a marvellous thing no matter how long - or short - or challenging the experience may be...MARVELLOUS. If my children can understand that I will have done my job - and I will die smiling. :D
G'Night
The first was probably the most frightening experience of my life. I call it a nightmare - but in truth, it was an experience that changed me. It felt like a brush with something unworldly. I still find it difficult to talk about and I am often haunted by images or thoughts from this experience.
The other nightmares emerged with a recurrent theme of drowning. Each time I was responsible...each time - we all drown. It was horrifying. I was afraid that these were foreshadowing of some sort of postpartum psychosis and had no idea what to make of them.
One day a client of mine was telling me about the dream work she was doing to deal with her own depression. She explained that dreams are simply stories that can never harm you - but you need to assign meaning to them in order to direct your conscious and alleviate stress. She had no idea that day what an impact she was having on me (she should have been the one getting paid for that session!) I went home thinking about all these terrible images I had been grappling with in my sleep. What could the meaning be? How can I turn these experiences into something positive - useful...or at the very least - less terrifying?
The first - I have to admit I have never fully come to grips with - but have gained some level of comfort from the idea that I needed to stop allowing shame and guilt to play such a powerful role in my life. I'm still working on these abilities.
The other dreams...the drowning dreams have become a huge part of my parenting philosophy. In these dreams - I realised - that I was never actually afraid. I did all I could to save myself and my family - but I only felt fear when I woke up and realised what I had been dreaming. So there it is...I decided that as a mother I need to teach my children - do everything you can to live - but never be afraid to die.
This may seem very dark and gloomy to some, but I find it inspiring. It gives me direction in my parenting - and in my spirituality. We are not a religious family in the church sense of the word. But we have strong beliefs in the universe, in goodness and love and living life in a mindful way. I believe that being able to talk about death is an important part of living. Recognising the circle of life - and exploring your ideas about what is 'beyond' can be an exciting conversation! Most of all - I believe that the worst part of death is the fear of it. So...if we can find a way NOT to fear it, we are free to live!
Don't get me wrong...I don't kiss my kids on the head at night and say..."fight to live but die smiling!" I just keep this idea in the back of my mind - and I reflect carefully on how I answer questions - how I will answer questions as they come in the future. We encourage our children to value all lives from bugs to biggies. We talk about death in a matter of fact way - try not to make it more or less than it is. And we talk about life in all its beauty. We point out the changing of seasons. We notice out loud the smells in the air, the greens all around us, the flowers sprouting up from last years bulbs.
Life is not always easy, it can be ugly and confusing and we are all touched at times by things that we can not understand. But living...living is a marvellous thing no matter how long - or short - or challenging the experience may be...MARVELLOUS. If my children can understand that I will have done my job - and I will die smiling. :D
G'Night
Sunday 25 March 2012
Legacy
If you haven't seen The Lorax you are missing out. It's fun, funny, vibrant and beautiful - and it made me cry (what doesn't? lol). I hope it has the same effect on everyone who sees it - because if you're watching it in all it's many layers I think it's worthy of a tear or two.
I've been an environmentally conscious person for a long time. But it wasn't until I became a mother that the true importance of the environment dawned on me. The way I see it - earth is our most important legacy. What could be more important than the world we leave behind for our children to contend with - survive in!? We want them to thrive, explore and flourish. We stress the importance of health and education - emotional stability and good social conscious - but all that could easily be over shadowed by a quest for simpler things - like fresh water, clean air, pure soil! I think many of us still find the idea of that so frightening (and inconvenient) that we refuse to acknowledge it. We still want to roll our eyes and tell ourselves "those outspoken environmentalists are just high strung hippies with a habit of exaggerating". We like to convince ourselves of things like it's okay to use water because it's a renewable resource and it's okay to use plastic now because we recycle! We don't want to hear about the fact that not all water is usable and we consume it far more quickly than the water cycle is completed. We don't want to know about the hundreds of thousands of tonnes of plastic floating around in the oceans - or the dumps because we can put it in the blue bin but unless someone buys it and re purposes it, it goes nowhere! This is frightening! Who wants to hear this stuff?? I sure don't! But the reality is we still consume too many raw resources and produce far too much waste per capita to sustain the eco system! Each and every one of us is leaving a BIG dent, not a foot print - but a crater on the earth!
This bothers me. As I watched the film I kept asking myself - who's the Lorax in the real world?? Who speaks for the trees? Are we really the guardians of the earth?? I shed a tear for shame because I realised despite my concerns for the future - I don't do enough. I shed a tear for hope - because I think there is still a great deal we can do if we all decide to make just a little more effort. The question is....are we willing? Can we all speak for the trees?? I shed a tear in panic because I fear too many of us will shrug our shoulders and say - "I do my best, they"ll come up with something before it's too late"....who's "THEY"?? Are "they" our children?? I don't want that! In the same way I don't ask my son to come in and clean up my room or make my bed! It's my responsibility! Either keep it clean or clean it up - isn't that the rule? Isn't that what we teach them??
So...
Are we willing?
Can we do it?
I sure hope the answer is YES...
I know in this household things are already changing...we will continue to try harder - to do more - to be the guardians...because if I can't leave a perfect legacy I at least want my children to know I did all I could. And though they will still be stuck with a mess to deal with maybe they won't have to claw their way up out of my crater.
G'Night
I've been an environmentally conscious person for a long time. But it wasn't until I became a mother that the true importance of the environment dawned on me. The way I see it - earth is our most important legacy. What could be more important than the world we leave behind for our children to contend with - survive in!? We want them to thrive, explore and flourish. We stress the importance of health and education - emotional stability and good social conscious - but all that could easily be over shadowed by a quest for simpler things - like fresh water, clean air, pure soil! I think many of us still find the idea of that so frightening (and inconvenient) that we refuse to acknowledge it. We still want to roll our eyes and tell ourselves "those outspoken environmentalists are just high strung hippies with a habit of exaggerating". We like to convince ourselves of things like it's okay to use water because it's a renewable resource and it's okay to use plastic now because we recycle! We don't want to hear about the fact that not all water is usable and we consume it far more quickly than the water cycle is completed. We don't want to know about the hundreds of thousands of tonnes of plastic floating around in the oceans - or the dumps because we can put it in the blue bin but unless someone buys it and re purposes it, it goes nowhere! This is frightening! Who wants to hear this stuff?? I sure don't! But the reality is we still consume too many raw resources and produce far too much waste per capita to sustain the eco system! Each and every one of us is leaving a BIG dent, not a foot print - but a crater on the earth!
This bothers me. As I watched the film I kept asking myself - who's the Lorax in the real world?? Who speaks for the trees? Are we really the guardians of the earth?? I shed a tear for shame because I realised despite my concerns for the future - I don't do enough. I shed a tear for hope - because I think there is still a great deal we can do if we all decide to make just a little more effort. The question is....are we willing? Can we all speak for the trees?? I shed a tear in panic because I fear too many of us will shrug our shoulders and say - "I do my best, they"ll come up with something before it's too late"....who's "THEY"?? Are "they" our children?? I don't want that! In the same way I don't ask my son to come in and clean up my room or make my bed! It's my responsibility! Either keep it clean or clean it up - isn't that the rule? Isn't that what we teach them??
So...
Are we willing?
Can we do it?
I sure hope the answer is YES...
I know in this household things are already changing...we will continue to try harder - to do more - to be the guardians...because if I can't leave a perfect legacy I at least want my children to know I did all I could. And though they will still be stuck with a mess to deal with maybe they won't have to claw their way up out of my crater.
G'Night
Thursday 8 March 2012
A little mystery
I have something to talk about tonight that has nothing to do with Mothering (go figure)! It's strange but true - I actually have something happening in my life right now besides children :)
In December we received a couple of really cool packages in the mail. The first was a parcel - delivered in a cooled box by UPS. Inside - two wonderfully yummy bricks of cheese. The sender - Anonymous. I searched friends and family but no one would admit to sending it. We thought this was a delightful Secret Santa gesture by some beloved person and enjoyed every morsel by noon the same day! Some friends were concerned about us eating this anonymous food - I thought it was really fun and had no doubt it was safe.
About 3 days after the anonymous cheese another parcel arrived. This time -two bottles of wine. Same mode of delivery - no sender. Once again no one came forward to accept our thanks for this lovely gift. We counted ourselves very lucky to have such a generous friend in our lives and downed the mystery wine with glee.
Yesterday I arrived home to find a book in my mailbox. This item was not mailed - it was hand delivered. It was not wrapped in any way. There is no name, no marking....nothing! It's clear that the book is not new - but has been handled with care by its previous owner. That owner being....anonymous. I find this to be a delightful mystery. I have NO idea if the book is related to the December gifts. I assume that it is but there's no way to be sure.
So - here's the thing. When I began reading the book it's based on a young woman who receives several anonymous packages in her mailbox (symmetry). They pose the questions - "who are you?" and "where does the world come from?" GULP I search my mind....who out there in my life knows how these questions have haunted me since I was very very young?? Who - if anyone besides my mother - have I told that I used to sit in the bathtub and wonder if I was real - or just someone else's idea!!? Could it be - that this is a coincidence?? Who chose this book? Why did they choose it for me? Why did they decide to put it in my mailbox anonymously? Did they have any idea what an impact it would have? Did they even realise the symmetry in the way it was delivered? Was that the point? Is this the game?? Should I be freaking out? (because truth be told there's a small voice in the back of my head saying..."creepy Kate - a little wee bit creepy") I have no idea what to make of this!
Maybe someone felt it would be nice to give me a little food for thought. This blog is about the meaning of life after all....so let's start with the basics. You can't really discuss the meaning of life until you address these questions? Who are you? and Where did the world come from?? So....what do YOU think?
Not long ago I read a book called 'The Untethered Soul' this book discussed the question of self in detail - and I found myself leaning toward the concept that I am the soul who experiences the experiences. I would be the same observer no matter who I was born to, what my name was and what experiences I had. The I, the self is not the living, it's the entity experiencing life.....hmmmmmm.....yep - that's it in a nut shell.
As for where the world began....???? Shoot - I don't know!
Nothing comes of nothing, and yet here we are! And, as my little Sophie says (The Book is Sophie's World by the way). Even if God is the answer - God is still not the answer because God had to have a beginning in order to be God!!! YIKES!!! Damn Damn Damn....
So here I sit for the first time in a very long time. I close my eyes and wonder....are we real?
Am I real or am I someone else's idea?
AND if I am someone else's idea - who is it?
AND Where did their world come from???
This is exciting, and overwhelming all at once. Damn you anonymous gift giver! Damn you!
In addition to the mystery of my existence I am also left trying to figure out who my anonymous gift giver is! I'm not sure which is more distracting to tell you the truth. Though I admit maybe I should be a little concerned about it. I'm not (okay - maybe just enough to double check the door and window locks lol). Mostly, I'm thrilled to have something to think about - something of my own. A new book and some exercise for my brain.
Having said that ....if my secret friend is reading this blog and planning to give me any more books....could you make it something like a Where's Waldo please?? I don't think I can handle much more right now :D
G'Night (if you can sleep with this stuff rolling around in YOUR head!)
In December we received a couple of really cool packages in the mail. The first was a parcel - delivered in a cooled box by UPS. Inside - two wonderfully yummy bricks of cheese. The sender - Anonymous. I searched friends and family but no one would admit to sending it. We thought this was a delightful Secret Santa gesture by some beloved person and enjoyed every morsel by noon the same day! Some friends were concerned about us eating this anonymous food - I thought it was really fun and had no doubt it was safe.
About 3 days after the anonymous cheese another parcel arrived. This time -two bottles of wine. Same mode of delivery - no sender. Once again no one came forward to accept our thanks for this lovely gift. We counted ourselves very lucky to have such a generous friend in our lives and downed the mystery wine with glee.
Yesterday I arrived home to find a book in my mailbox. This item was not mailed - it was hand delivered. It was not wrapped in any way. There is no name, no marking....nothing! It's clear that the book is not new - but has been handled with care by its previous owner. That owner being....anonymous. I find this to be a delightful mystery. I have NO idea if the book is related to the December gifts. I assume that it is but there's no way to be sure.
So - here's the thing. When I began reading the book it's based on a young woman who receives several anonymous packages in her mailbox (symmetry). They pose the questions - "who are you?" and "where does the world come from?" GULP I search my mind....who out there in my life knows how these questions have haunted me since I was very very young?? Who - if anyone besides my mother - have I told that I used to sit in the bathtub and wonder if I was real - or just someone else's idea!!? Could it be - that this is a coincidence?? Who chose this book? Why did they choose it for me? Why did they decide to put it in my mailbox anonymously? Did they have any idea what an impact it would have? Did they even realise the symmetry in the way it was delivered? Was that the point? Is this the game?? Should I be freaking out? (because truth be told there's a small voice in the back of my head saying..."creepy Kate - a little wee bit creepy") I have no idea what to make of this!
Maybe someone felt it would be nice to give me a little food for thought. This blog is about the meaning of life after all....so let's start with the basics. You can't really discuss the meaning of life until you address these questions? Who are you? and Where did the world come from?? So....what do YOU think?
Not long ago I read a book called 'The Untethered Soul' this book discussed the question of self in detail - and I found myself leaning toward the concept that I am the soul who experiences the experiences. I would be the same observer no matter who I was born to, what my name was and what experiences I had. The I, the self is not the living, it's the entity experiencing life.....hmmmmmm.....yep - that's it in a nut shell.
As for where the world began....???? Shoot - I don't know!
Nothing comes of nothing, and yet here we are! And, as my little Sophie says (The Book is Sophie's World by the way). Even if God is the answer - God is still not the answer because God had to have a beginning in order to be God!!! YIKES!!! Damn Damn Damn....
So here I sit for the first time in a very long time. I close my eyes and wonder....are we real?
Am I real or am I someone else's idea?
AND if I am someone else's idea - who is it?
AND Where did their world come from???
This is exciting, and overwhelming all at once. Damn you anonymous gift giver! Damn you!
In addition to the mystery of my existence I am also left trying to figure out who my anonymous gift giver is! I'm not sure which is more distracting to tell you the truth. Though I admit maybe I should be a little concerned about it. I'm not (okay - maybe just enough to double check the door and window locks lol). Mostly, I'm thrilled to have something to think about - something of my own. A new book and some exercise for my brain.
Having said that ....if my secret friend is reading this blog and planning to give me any more books....could you make it something like a Where's Waldo please?? I don't think I can handle much more right now :D
G'Night (if you can sleep with this stuff rolling around in YOUR head!)
Monday 5 March 2012
Promises
I've always loved the movie Finding Nemo. There's an awesome conversation between a sea turtle and Nemo's over protective Dad. They are talking about letting kids go out into the world. "How do you know they're ready" asks Marlin (the Dad) "Well, ya' never really know" says the hippie sea turtle, "but when they know, you'll know". I love this...I think it's so perfect and honest and true!
The boys and I had an outing yesterday with some good friends. They pampered us with a relaxing afternoon by putting Nemo on their enormous television. (Trystan thought we were at the movies lol). Near the end of the film there was another conversation I had previously missed - this time it brought me to tears. Nemo's Dad, speaking about his son says "I promised I'd never let anything happen to him." and his friend Dori replies "that's a strange thing to promise!" OH my GOD!! (Tears - here we go again)
Isn't this the promise so many of us make? The promise that haunts us through every new experience, every mistake, every injury. We, as parents see ourselves as the protectors, and burden oursleves with the notion that we are supposed to protect our children from the world. When in fact - this is NOT our job. Our job is to be there. In the being there our duty changes with each moment and every experience. Sometimes we are supposed to intervein (of course)and protect them, other times we are mearly there to ease the fall, help heal the wounds - or (hardest of all) witness the learning and do nothing. We are there to put things into perspective, help them understand what is a BIG deal and what is a little 'bummer'. We are there to root for, cheer for, cry with and console. BUT we are not GODS.
Life is supposed to happen.
Our children NEED us to allow life to happen for them.
We should be preparing them for the choices, consequences and difficulties. We should be doing all we can to ease them into the hard stuff and yet....let things happen.
And so...today I released myself from the promise - to never let anything happen. I've made a new promise.
I promise to do my best, to pick the right moments. To recognize the difference between grave and uncomfortable.
I promise to protect my children as best I can in the moments they need protecting and be there in a supportive, loving capacity in the moments when life happens.
I promise, that I will allow my children to see me laugh as well as cry. I will be brave sometimes, and share my fears without shame so that they will know it's right and safe to do both in this family.
I will listen to my children and learn with them as they learn through their experiences.
And if they will allow me the priviledge I will share my life experiences with them so that hopefully they can learn through some of my mistakes and not have to make all the same ones themselves.
I promise most of all - to never make a promise I can't keep. Like - for example, never letting anything happen to them.
Because - what a shame it would be if I got in the way of this challenging, beautiful journey they are embarking on. Life.
In addition to this new promise I've added a prayer.
'Dear Sweet Destiny, please be kind with my children.'
G'night
The boys and I had an outing yesterday with some good friends. They pampered us with a relaxing afternoon by putting Nemo on their enormous television. (Trystan thought we were at the movies lol). Near the end of the film there was another conversation I had previously missed - this time it brought me to tears. Nemo's Dad, speaking about his son says "I promised I'd never let anything happen to him." and his friend Dori replies "that's a strange thing to promise!" OH my GOD!! (Tears - here we go again)
Isn't this the promise so many of us make? The promise that haunts us through every new experience, every mistake, every injury. We, as parents see ourselves as the protectors, and burden oursleves with the notion that we are supposed to protect our children from the world. When in fact - this is NOT our job. Our job is to be there. In the being there our duty changes with each moment and every experience. Sometimes we are supposed to intervein (of course)and protect them, other times we are mearly there to ease the fall, help heal the wounds - or (hardest of all) witness the learning and do nothing. We are there to put things into perspective, help them understand what is a BIG deal and what is a little 'bummer'. We are there to root for, cheer for, cry with and console. BUT we are not GODS.
Life is supposed to happen.
Our children NEED us to allow life to happen for them.
We should be preparing them for the choices, consequences and difficulties. We should be doing all we can to ease them into the hard stuff and yet....let things happen.
And so...today I released myself from the promise - to never let anything happen. I've made a new promise.
I promise to do my best, to pick the right moments. To recognize the difference between grave and uncomfortable.
I promise to protect my children as best I can in the moments they need protecting and be there in a supportive, loving capacity in the moments when life happens.
I promise, that I will allow my children to see me laugh as well as cry. I will be brave sometimes, and share my fears without shame so that they will know it's right and safe to do both in this family.
I will listen to my children and learn with them as they learn through their experiences.
And if they will allow me the priviledge I will share my life experiences with them so that hopefully they can learn through some of my mistakes and not have to make all the same ones themselves.
I promise most of all - to never make a promise I can't keep. Like - for example, never letting anything happen to them.
Because - what a shame it would be if I got in the way of this challenging, beautiful journey they are embarking on. Life.
In addition to this new promise I've added a prayer.
'Dear Sweet Destiny, please be kind with my children.'
G'night
Friday 17 February 2012
Potty Training
So about the huge delay between blogs folks! It's been a strange month and I've found myself crawling to bed first chance I get rather than taking time to write. There's been some good stuff happening here though! Not the least of which has been Potty Training! Those who know me would know that this has been a nearly 1.5 year process marred with a lot of frustration. But, in the past few weeks T man has transitioned from a hard core diaper wearer to a do it himselfer! He insists that he doesn't want to be a "big boy", but enjoys his diaper free days! We're getting there! It feels great. This has been a big learning experience for me, and as I've been thinking about it and trying to get back to blogging I've come to realise - Everything I need to know about parenting I have learned through Potty Training.
Here we go:
Potty training....
Has taught me the difference between being persistent and being pushy.
It has taught me to really listen to my child and to trust his instinct as much as mine
Potty training has taught me that some things are taught - others are simply learned. It has made me realize that certain things you can only be involved in - the big decisions are up to the child.
Potty training has taught me that I can be extreamly creative - and that creative means nothing if your child isn't interested in the goal!
You are never "in control" of the situation. It's a team effort all the way.
Bribery is a slippery slope - in the end the reward is in the doing (believe me! this is hard to wait for but it's true)
Potty training has taught me....Patience, patience, patience
It's taught me to ask for and listen for advice in a sincere and humble manner. And that other parents are truly interested in helping ease the parenting experience.
Most of all Potty training has taught me that "s_ _ t happens" but it's usually not as hard to clean up as you think it's going to be and it happens less frquently as you learn how to manage!
SO...relax a little, laugh a little don't take things too seriously! And when you find yourself chasing a run away terd across the floor, or cleaning up a puddle because your husband tried prematurley to teach your son "the shake" - you can rest assurd you're far from alone.
Potty Training - who knew!???
G'Night
Here we go:
Potty training....
Has taught me the difference between being persistent and being pushy.
It has taught me to really listen to my child and to trust his instinct as much as mine
Potty training has taught me that some things are taught - others are simply learned. It has made me realize that certain things you can only be involved in - the big decisions are up to the child.
Potty training has taught me that I can be extreamly creative - and that creative means nothing if your child isn't interested in the goal!
You are never "in control" of the situation. It's a team effort all the way.
Bribery is a slippery slope - in the end the reward is in the doing (believe me! this is hard to wait for but it's true)
Potty training has taught me....Patience, patience, patience
It's taught me to ask for and listen for advice in a sincere and humble manner. And that other parents are truly interested in helping ease the parenting experience.
Most of all Potty training has taught me that "s_ _ t happens" but it's usually not as hard to clean up as you think it's going to be and it happens less frquently as you learn how to manage!
SO...relax a little, laugh a little don't take things too seriously! And when you find yourself chasing a run away terd across the floor, or cleaning up a puddle because your husband tried prematurley to teach your son "the shake" - you can rest assurd you're far from alone.
Potty Training - who knew!???
G'Night
Friday 3 February 2012
Human beings are awesome
It's a quick little one tonight.
We were in Ottawa yesterday and decided to spend some time at the mall. This is a big deal for us because we love being among all the people and letting Trystan and Loukah see that the world is colourful in every sense of the word.
We stopped in the food court for a snack and while eating heard a woman say "May I join you?" I turned to see a middle aged Asian woman speaking with and older (maybe European) woman who was sitting alone. Cool! When is the last time any of us did that? Asked a stranger to share a table. The two sat down together - no idea we were eaves dropping on their conversation. They launched into a delightful banter that ended with the older lady teaching the younger all about her new Apple I pad! Beautiful. I looked at Eric who had the same look on his face as I did. "Human being are awesome" he said. And off we went about our day. I think I'll make a point of sitting down to lunch with a stranger sometime soon.
G'Night
We were in Ottawa yesterday and decided to spend some time at the mall. This is a big deal for us because we love being among all the people and letting Trystan and Loukah see that the world is colourful in every sense of the word.
We stopped in the food court for a snack and while eating heard a woman say "May I join you?" I turned to see a middle aged Asian woman speaking with and older (maybe European) woman who was sitting alone. Cool! When is the last time any of us did that? Asked a stranger to share a table. The two sat down together - no idea we were eaves dropping on their conversation. They launched into a delightful banter that ended with the older lady teaching the younger all about her new Apple I pad! Beautiful. I looked at Eric who had the same look on his face as I did. "Human being are awesome" he said. And off we went about our day. I think I'll make a point of sitting down to lunch with a stranger sometime soon.
G'Night
Wednesday 1 February 2012
Play
One of the things I love about winter is that young or old we all play in about the same way. We bundle up in warm clothing and head outside to slip, slide and throw snow! I know I know, some people do not call this play at all and would far rather be throwing back a couple shots of jagarmeister! But those who play - play the same way we did as children. It think it's wonderful!
Today we spent about three hours outside with Trystan. We rode down our home made "Whistler Mountain" on an inner tube. We were so delighted to discover we can slide clear across the yard!! We crawled around the back yard maze and tunnels, and hid in our snow fort hoping that the Abominable Snow Monster wouldn't find us!! We've spent entire afternoons "painting the house" by throwing snowballs and trying to see if we could completely cover all the brick in snow! (My shoulder hurt by the end of that one! lol) We slip and slide and lay on our backs looking at the clouds etc. etc. This never becomes boring. Every moment of this is pure delight for Trystan and for Eric and I. Snow, is the great equalizer. It makes us all children again - reminds us to slow down (after all who's going anywhere fast when you're bundled up in all those layers of snow clothes and heavy boots!?) Reminds us to play - and often, those little tiny flakes of white tumble down and bring a lot of fond, cozy memories. Like egg nog and toast for lunch. Hot chocolate by the fire. Giant snowball fights with the neighbors, nights filled with skiing, wine and conversation with dear ones... It's so good to play! I think it's one of the corner stones of a rich life. It's about not taking yourself too seriously, being in the moment and connecting to the child within. JUST PLAY :)
Today we spent about three hours outside with Trystan. We rode down our home made "Whistler Mountain" on an inner tube. We were so delighted to discover we can slide clear across the yard!! We crawled around the back yard maze and tunnels, and hid in our snow fort hoping that the Abominable Snow Monster wouldn't find us!! We've spent entire afternoons "painting the house" by throwing snowballs and trying to see if we could completely cover all the brick in snow! (My shoulder hurt by the end of that one! lol) We slip and slide and lay on our backs looking at the clouds etc. etc. This never becomes boring. Every moment of this is pure delight for Trystan and for Eric and I. Snow, is the great equalizer. It makes us all children again - reminds us to slow down (after all who's going anywhere fast when you're bundled up in all those layers of snow clothes and heavy boots!?) Reminds us to play - and often, those little tiny flakes of white tumble down and bring a lot of fond, cozy memories. Like egg nog and toast for lunch. Hot chocolate by the fire. Giant snowball fights with the neighbors, nights filled with skiing, wine and conversation with dear ones... It's so good to play! I think it's one of the corner stones of a rich life. It's about not taking yourself too seriously, being in the moment and connecting to the child within. JUST PLAY :)
Saturday 28 January 2012
Life is beautiful
There have been more than a few moments in my life when I have looked at or felt something very simple and been completely overwhlemed by the beauty. There are few in particular that stand out. A few that - took me over so completely that I, for a moment wondered if it was even real - if any of this life was real or was it a sublime dream?
I remember standing at the top of Blackholm Glacier watching the Sunrise
I remember snowboarding in powder for the first time and feeling like I was flying through clouds
I remember standing in the yard of our tiny little house in the woods - breathing as deeply as I could because the lilacs were blooming and the breeze was so perfect.
I remember planting tiny little Sunflower seeds and watching massive, beautiful flowers grow to become 10 feet tall in my yard!
I remember holding my child on my chest for the first time - patty his tiny little bum and playing with his fingers and toes.
The other day, Trystan put his hand on my face in the most loving, thoughtful way. He just looked quietly for a moment, then burried his head in my neck "AH, I wuv you Mommy".
Today, Loukah lay his little head on my shoulder, wrapped his hand around my finger, and quiety rested there until he drifted off to sleep.
It is REAL - this sublime dream. Life - is a beauitful, sublime dream.
I remember standing at the top of Blackholm Glacier watching the Sunrise
I remember snowboarding in powder for the first time and feeling like I was flying through clouds
I remember standing in the yard of our tiny little house in the woods - breathing as deeply as I could because the lilacs were blooming and the breeze was so perfect.
I remember planting tiny little Sunflower seeds and watching massive, beautiful flowers grow to become 10 feet tall in my yard!
I remember holding my child on my chest for the first time - patty his tiny little bum and playing with his fingers and toes.
The other day, Trystan put his hand on my face in the most loving, thoughtful way. He just looked quietly for a moment, then burried his head in my neck "AH, I wuv you Mommy".
Today, Loukah lay his little head on my shoulder, wrapped his hand around my finger, and quiety rested there until he drifted off to sleep.
It is REAL - this sublime dream. Life - is a beauitful, sublime dream.
What I've learned so far - Part Four
It's interesting to me how timely some of the points are today (this list has been written and on paper for many years and I'm following the exact order in which they have been written - no sorting) I always consider this kind of symmetry to mean I'm in the right place in my life. When old wisdom meets current living - it's comforting to me. Hope some of this is interesting to you in some way.
31) Don't assume the world is the way you see it. Everyone's reality is different
32) Stop expecting your parents to be perfect. Forgive their mistakes as you would ask yours to be forgiven. They are human. You will make many mistakes too.
33) Be willing to consider you're wrong sometimes. Be willing to consider criticism, take it or reject it - but consider it first
34) FLAWS - we all have 'em - find a way to laugh at yourself rather than feeling you have to fix or defend them.
35) Everything does not happen for a reason. Bad things happen to good people, but something good can come even of tragedy if you choose to look for it.
36) For every death - a new life is created
37) Ask yourself what you want and listen to the answer with the same interest you would to a dear friends answer.
38) Give sincerely, never expect back
39) Change is often as good as a rest
40) Listen to other peoples opinions - DECIDE for yourself
G'Night
31) Don't assume the world is the way you see it. Everyone's reality is different
32) Stop expecting your parents to be perfect. Forgive their mistakes as you would ask yours to be forgiven. They are human. You will make many mistakes too.
33) Be willing to consider you're wrong sometimes. Be willing to consider criticism, take it or reject it - but consider it first
34) FLAWS - we all have 'em - find a way to laugh at yourself rather than feeling you have to fix or defend them.
35) Everything does not happen for a reason. Bad things happen to good people, but something good can come even of tragedy if you choose to look for it.
36) For every death - a new life is created
37) Ask yourself what you want and listen to the answer with the same interest you would to a dear friends answer.
38) Give sincerely, never expect back
39) Change is often as good as a rest
40) Listen to other peoples opinions - DECIDE for yourself
G'Night
Thursday 26 January 2012
What I've learned - Part Three
I can not take credit for the origins of all these points. Some of the greatest wisdom of my life has come from my husband Eric. He thinks very differently and sometimes it takes me a while to catch on to what he is saying - but when I get it....it sinks in hard.
21) In life there are times when you're at the top of the mountain (good times) and others the valley (hard times). You have the clearest view from the mountain top. Make your decisions when you're there and stick to them when you're lost in the clouds of the valley.
22) Have hobbies
23) Spend time with nature
24) FIGHT - only if you must. 1st to defend another, 2nd youself. Use your brain first, words second, body last.
25) Sometimes the hardest thing to say is nothing at all
26) Give a firm handshake, especially if you're a woman
27) Be friends with people of all ages, faiths, abilities, backgrounds...there is so much to learn and understand!
28) Never take your priviledge for granted
29) Drop your sense of entitlement. The world owes you nothing.
30) everyone can't like you. In fact rest assurd they won't. Don't waste your time worrying about them. Focus your energy on those who do!
21) In life there are times when you're at the top of the mountain (good times) and others the valley (hard times). You have the clearest view from the mountain top. Make your decisions when you're there and stick to them when you're lost in the clouds of the valley.
22) Have hobbies
23) Spend time with nature
24) FIGHT - only if you must. 1st to defend another, 2nd youself. Use your brain first, words second, body last.
25) Sometimes the hardest thing to say is nothing at all
26) Give a firm handshake, especially if you're a woman
27) Be friends with people of all ages, faiths, abilities, backgrounds...there is so much to learn and understand!
28) Never take your priviledge for granted
29) Drop your sense of entitlement. The world owes you nothing.
30) everyone can't like you. In fact rest assurd they won't. Don't waste your time worrying about them. Focus your energy on those who do!
I organized a play date this week. Invited 7 or 8 parents with their toddlers and infants to come by for an afternoon of fun. I started out with about 7 parents intending to come this would have made it 5 toddlers and 7 babes! I was delighted. Baked bread pudding, rice crispy squares, made guacamole! Hyped T man up for three days about our friends coming to play and how we would share the toys etc. As life with kids often happens - by this morning I was down to 3 or 4 parents, and by 3 pm I had 2 moms with babes.
I'm not sure if it's completely accurate to call this a lemonade situation or not. Of course it was a little disappointing. Especially for Trystan who was still waiting at 5pm for "the guys" to come play. I enjoy all the people who were invited and would have been so pleased to host the group. However, the kind of conversation you have with just 2 other women is very different than in a larger mixed group. We talked about everything - and anything - and it felt like such a loving, supportive little trio! We nibbled treats and talked about life, husbands, babies. We laughed at ourselves and shared stories about how ridiculous we are when we're sleep deprived. It was delightful!
I've been struggling a little with the direction of my blogging. I know there really doesn't have to be a specific direction - in fact - that's been my struggle. I didn't intend to write about being a mother all the time. But that seems to have been what's emerged. I guess that's because it's all I do right now. But I feel so strongly about the fact that it's not all I am! So I've been trying to write about other things too - and it doesn't feel right. It feels forced and empty. I always come back to "mothering". Today during our mommy play date I came to realise that writing about my experience is serving a purpose beyond mothering. It's allowing other women (parents maybe) to relate - feel less alone, connect in the experience. I didn't realise how many people have been reading along and enjoying these little snip its! So - when I feel like it I'll insert other items - but for now I think you're going to keep seeing a lot about my day to day mommy hood! I think it's healthy for all of us and I am enjoying the process.
(Hold on to your hats when I get the time to talk about Potty training. It'll be a poopapalooza!)
Now - I made a promise to e-mail the Ellen Show tonight, so I'm off to write that note. (It's a long story)
Goodnight - to my lovely ladies of the day!
Goodnight to the mommies and Jay that we missed out on!
G'Night - to my anonymous readers. I'm intrigued by you. I want to know more!
I'm not sure if it's completely accurate to call this a lemonade situation or not. Of course it was a little disappointing. Especially for Trystan who was still waiting at 5pm for "the guys" to come play. I enjoy all the people who were invited and would have been so pleased to host the group. However, the kind of conversation you have with just 2 other women is very different than in a larger mixed group. We talked about everything - and anything - and it felt like such a loving, supportive little trio! We nibbled treats and talked about life, husbands, babies. We laughed at ourselves and shared stories about how ridiculous we are when we're sleep deprived. It was delightful!
I've been struggling a little with the direction of my blogging. I know there really doesn't have to be a specific direction - in fact - that's been my struggle. I didn't intend to write about being a mother all the time. But that seems to have been what's emerged. I guess that's because it's all I do right now. But I feel so strongly about the fact that it's not all I am! So I've been trying to write about other things too - and it doesn't feel right. It feels forced and empty. I always come back to "mothering". Today during our mommy play date I came to realise that writing about my experience is serving a purpose beyond mothering. It's allowing other women (parents maybe) to relate - feel less alone, connect in the experience. I didn't realise how many people have been reading along and enjoying these little snip its! So - when I feel like it I'll insert other items - but for now I think you're going to keep seeing a lot about my day to day mommy hood! I think it's healthy for all of us and I am enjoying the process.
(Hold on to your hats when I get the time to talk about Potty training. It'll be a poopapalooza!)
Now - I made a promise to e-mail the Ellen Show tonight, so I'm off to write that note. (It's a long story)
Goodnight - to my lovely ladies of the day!
Goodnight to the mommies and Jay that we missed out on!
G'Night - to my anonymous readers. I'm intrigued by you. I want to know more!
Tuesday 24 January 2012
What I've learned so far - Part Two
I'm a little brain lazy today....so this is all I can produce :)
11) There is no secret. Not to weight loss, wealth, happiness, success etc. It's all out there for all of us to see. We know it. It takes effort, self discipline, patience...
12) Often, what we dislike about another person is something we see in ourselves and are not proud of
13) Anger and jealously are secondary emotions. The truth of what you're feeling lies somewhere underneath.
14) Constantly seeking approval becomes toxic to you and your relationships. Do what feels right.
15) Gossip only makes you look like an untrustworthy person
16) Never tell another persons secret (with that in mind - think twice before you accept hearing someones secret, this can be a very heavy burden)
17) Strive always for - Humility, Dignity, Honesty, Loyalty
18) Be curious, be interested, be sincere. These qualities will take you nearly anywhere you wish to go.
19) FORGIVE
20) Be "weird" - march to your own hearts rhythm
11) There is no secret. Not to weight loss, wealth, happiness, success etc. It's all out there for all of us to see. We know it. It takes effort, self discipline, patience...
12) Often, what we dislike about another person is something we see in ourselves and are not proud of
13) Anger and jealously are secondary emotions. The truth of what you're feeling lies somewhere underneath.
14) Constantly seeking approval becomes toxic to you and your relationships. Do what feels right.
15) Gossip only makes you look like an untrustworthy person
16) Never tell another persons secret (with that in mind - think twice before you accept hearing someones secret, this can be a very heavy burden)
17) Strive always for - Humility, Dignity, Honesty, Loyalty
18) Be curious, be interested, be sincere. These qualities will take you nearly anywhere you wish to go.
19) FORGIVE
20) Be "weird" - march to your own hearts rhythm
Monday 23 January 2012
What I've learned so far - Part One
This ongoing list is something I started about 8 years ago. I'm up to about 70 items and always figured I'd publis when I got to 100. But what the heck! I'll blog it now lol
I've learned most, but not all of these lessons through experience - some through observation. Let me be clear - just because I've learned that these things are true does not mean I have learned to successfully manage my life according to the guidelines. It's fun, and often helpful to me though, to look over this list and reflect on how I learned these truths - and how I can better apply them to improve my coping with the world in some way :)
I will share my list in chinks periodically. As food for thought - amusement - fuel to controversy!?? Hopefully it will generate some interest, some discussion, some reflection, or just a few giggles. I guess it depends on the content of the chunk ;)
For the record - I will not qualify these points with stories. Let your imagination amuse you :)
SO...here we go
1) In relationships: Never be the "other" - never tolerate "another"
2) Peoples true colours always show in the end - be patient and allow this to happen by itself
3) Be your own best friend. After that the others are bonus (but what a bonus they are!)
4) Most of the things we stress over are not to be controlled. So the stress is pointless.
5) The biggest regrets in life are usually the risks we didn't take.
6) When it comes to the people we love, there's no guarantee of a "next time" - so say it now!
7) Service to others is a beautiful experience and should be part of life. But don't lose yourself in it, it's not fair to you or the ones you serve.
8) No matter who you are you can always give more, speak less and learn from others
9) Never underestimate your own ability to adapt
10) Whether it feels like it or not in the moment or not, we choose our emotions. choose wisely :)
More to come
G'Night
I've learned most, but not all of these lessons through experience - some through observation. Let me be clear - just because I've learned that these things are true does not mean I have learned to successfully manage my life according to the guidelines. It's fun, and often helpful to me though, to look over this list and reflect on how I learned these truths - and how I can better apply them to improve my coping with the world in some way :)
I will share my list in chinks periodically. As food for thought - amusement - fuel to controversy!?? Hopefully it will generate some interest, some discussion, some reflection, or just a few giggles. I guess it depends on the content of the chunk ;)
For the record - I will not qualify these points with stories. Let your imagination amuse you :)
SO...here we go
1) In relationships: Never be the "other" - never tolerate "another"
2) Peoples true colours always show in the end - be patient and allow this to happen by itself
3) Be your own best friend. After that the others are bonus (but what a bonus they are!)
4) Most of the things we stress over are not to be controlled. So the stress is pointless.
5) The biggest regrets in life are usually the risks we didn't take.
6) When it comes to the people we love, there's no guarantee of a "next time" - so say it now!
7) Service to others is a beautiful experience and should be part of life. But don't lose yourself in it, it's not fair to you or the ones you serve.
8) No matter who you are you can always give more, speak less and learn from others
9) Never underestimate your own ability to adapt
10) Whether it feels like it or not in the moment or not, we choose our emotions. choose wisely :)
More to come
G'Night
Saturday 21 January 2012
Letting go of guilt
I may have been Catholic in my previous life. Or maybe I was just really bad, I'm not sure. But I am very aware that guilt is a prominent emotion for me. At times it's been helpful. It's a motivator. But for the most part it's just stupid. I'm a good person, I don't think I need to feel guilty all the time. But I kind of do - no....I do.
I have guilt over everything, and I mean everything! I feel guilty if I take time to myself, guilty for sleeping in, guilty for spending money, or not spending enough time with my kids. I feel guilty that I have things and my clients at work struggle to make ends meet. Guilty that we don't have more sponsor children and haven't put away more for our children's education! I feel guilty for not spending enough time or energy on my family, for being so bad at staying in touch with friends and family. I feel guilty about the bracelet of my mothers that I lost 30 years ago...the cookie tin I lost at camp 20 years ago. Not sharing my house better 10 years ago. Not going to my brothers hockey games, and stealing gum from my sisters Halloween candy when we were kids!..On and on it goes. I feel guilty about everything!
As most mothers - parents for that matter - can relate to there's a lot of guilt involved in parenting even when you're not a guilt ridden person. The guilt when you make the decision to breast feed or not - when to stop breastfeeding. The guilt the first time you accidentally allow your child to fall, or nip the tip of a little finger when cutting his nails. It's all so normal, inevitable even, but you feel guilty!!
I have been fortunate to be off on maternity leave with a fabulous group of women. We chat at play group and have each other over periodically for play date/ mommy time visits. One day, as I finished apologising for not responding to someones message, one of these dear ladies said to me "we all have enough mommy guilt without worrying about stuff like that - don't apologise" (a chorus of angels Ah AH AHHHH!!) She had no idea what that statement meant to me at the time or how far it would go. (Thank you Jen ;))
Among my many goals - I'm working very hard at letting go of guilt. I started with sleep. When Eric is home and I get a chance to sleep in - I take it. Step one is - I do it even though I feel guilty. I have noticed that I feel less guilty each time - so I guess it's working.
Around the house - especially during the weeks when I'm alone with the boys I try to do things for myself a little more. I put Loukah in his saucer while Trystan watches his morning show so I can have a quick bath. This may seem obvious but it wasn't for me - not for a long time! 'Loukah shouldn't be seeing TV he's too little'!. I stop and make myself a coffee in the morning. Again - obvious - but not. Up until recently everything seemed like a game of beat the clock in which, if I wanted something, I had to find a way of squeezing it in - in such a way as to NOT inconvenience anyone, or take even a moment away from my time with my family. If I didn't find that moment. Too bad for me! But I'm quickly realising that we all win when I take this few guilty moments. I feel more awake, patient and happy when I get a shower and a cup of coffee. I'm more relaxed when I stop clocking how much TV there's been and just relax into a tub of water for 5 minutes! Etc Etc. The end result - better days = less to feel guilty about!!
So...where does this leave me? Still feeling guilty a lot - that's just who I am. It will take a while before I can honestly claim to have let it go completely. BUT I'm learning that in much of what I feel guilty about I'm not alone. Another big chunk is really silly. A whole lot more I will have to just go ahead and do anyway. I will have to live with the guilt until it fades! If it doesn't fade - well, I'll come back in my next life as a Catholic! :)
I'm learning that letting go of the guilt is difficult - but a worthy endeavour. So I'll keep at it.
Now - I've spent too long writing this while Trystan waits for me to read him his good night story...the guilt is KILLING me!! I gotta' go.
G'Night
I have guilt over everything, and I mean everything! I feel guilty if I take time to myself, guilty for sleeping in, guilty for spending money, or not spending enough time with my kids. I feel guilty that I have things and my clients at work struggle to make ends meet. Guilty that we don't have more sponsor children and haven't put away more for our children's education! I feel guilty for not spending enough time or energy on my family, for being so bad at staying in touch with friends and family. I feel guilty about the bracelet of my mothers that I lost 30 years ago...the cookie tin I lost at camp 20 years ago. Not sharing my house better 10 years ago. Not going to my brothers hockey games, and stealing gum from my sisters Halloween candy when we were kids!..On and on it goes. I feel guilty about everything!
As most mothers - parents for that matter - can relate to there's a lot of guilt involved in parenting even when you're not a guilt ridden person. The guilt when you make the decision to breast feed or not - when to stop breastfeeding. The guilt the first time you accidentally allow your child to fall, or nip the tip of a little finger when cutting his nails. It's all so normal, inevitable even, but you feel guilty!!
I have been fortunate to be off on maternity leave with a fabulous group of women. We chat at play group and have each other over periodically for play date/ mommy time visits. One day, as I finished apologising for not responding to someones message, one of these dear ladies said to me "we all have enough mommy guilt without worrying about stuff like that - don't apologise" (a chorus of angels Ah AH AHHHH!!) She had no idea what that statement meant to me at the time or how far it would go. (Thank you Jen ;))
Among my many goals - I'm working very hard at letting go of guilt. I started with sleep. When Eric is home and I get a chance to sleep in - I take it. Step one is - I do it even though I feel guilty. I have noticed that I feel less guilty each time - so I guess it's working.
Around the house - especially during the weeks when I'm alone with the boys I try to do things for myself a little more. I put Loukah in his saucer while Trystan watches his morning show so I can have a quick bath. This may seem obvious but it wasn't for me - not for a long time! 'Loukah shouldn't be seeing TV he's too little'!. I stop and make myself a coffee in the morning. Again - obvious - but not. Up until recently everything seemed like a game of beat the clock in which, if I wanted something, I had to find a way of squeezing it in - in such a way as to NOT inconvenience anyone, or take even a moment away from my time with my family. If I didn't find that moment. Too bad for me! But I'm quickly realising that we all win when I take this few guilty moments. I feel more awake, patient and happy when I get a shower and a cup of coffee. I'm more relaxed when I stop clocking how much TV there's been and just relax into a tub of water for 5 minutes! Etc Etc. The end result - better days = less to feel guilty about!!
So...where does this leave me? Still feeling guilty a lot - that's just who I am. It will take a while before I can honestly claim to have let it go completely. BUT I'm learning that in much of what I feel guilty about I'm not alone. Another big chunk is really silly. A whole lot more I will have to just go ahead and do anyway. I will have to live with the guilt until it fades! If it doesn't fade - well, I'll come back in my next life as a Catholic! :)
I'm learning that letting go of the guilt is difficult - but a worthy endeavour. So I'll keep at it.
Now - I've spent too long writing this while Trystan waits for me to read him his good night story...the guilt is KILLING me!! I gotta' go.
G'Night
Friday 20 January 2012
Cups of Sugar
It was not long after we moved into our current home that one of our neighbours showed up at the door with a pint of fresh blueberries. I was delighted - not only with the friendly gesture but what it represented. Old school neighbourly values. Could it be that we were lucky enough to have moved into a milk and cookie neighbourhood? The kind where people knock on each others doors and borrow things like sugar, or eggs, or garden tools??
Sure enough - the next neighbour we met offered us open access to his shed - any gardening tool we may need including his lawn mower. "Young people just starting out shouldn't have to go out and buy all these things" he said.
Next thing that happened - one of our young teenage neighbours knocked on the door looking shy. " My Mom and I are baking cookies and we're short one egg" he explained "would you mind?". I giggled, gave him the egg and thanked him for coming over!
Our relations with most of our neighbours have continued on like this for the past three years and only continue to get better. When our second son was born many of them - even those we rarely see - stopped in with welcome gifts for Loukah and big brother gifts for Trystan. Some baked, others checked in regularly to see how we were doing. One of our neighbours spent three days helping Eric with bathroom renovations and teaching him how to do drywall!!
It happens frequently that some anonymous person brings my garbage cans in or clears the snow from the end of my driveway before I get the chance (especially on the weeks I alone with the boys - I think they keep track! lol ). It's wonderful.
We try to give back where we can. We bring in garbage cans, we take around baking when we've made something. We house sit or take out trash for people when they go on vacation. We genuinely like and care for our neighbours. It's a very warm feeling.
We know that this is not the norm these days. I grew up in a neighbourhood like this so it's familiar to me. To Eric it's a little odd. Charming, but odd. Many of our friends comment that they don't even know their neighbours names! I think it's a sign of our busy lives. The fact that we don't often have the time or the energy or the inclination to say hello and start a conversation. I think it's also often a matter of circumstances. People feel shy, don't know how to start a conversation. Maybe they aren't outside much.
After you've lived somewhere for a while it gets harder to introduce yourself and ask "What's your name" because you feel it should have been done long ago. I know these feelings, I've been there. We had one neighbour who was not part of the friendly exchange. They are a little more particular and guarded. But this past summer I got up some nerve and started talking plants with her. Soon we were exchanging perennials and chatting over the fence!
I'm thinking of all this, this week because we've had a lot of snow recently and my helpful neighbours have really made a difference in my getting through it all. I keep wondering - what would I have done? What if no one had ever knocked on our door? Would I have knocked on theirs?? I'm not sure I would have. I can't imagine how isolated and stressful it would be if I were here on my own with the boys and the snow and didn't feel I could reach out to those around me!
So...let this be a lesson to us all. A reminder to me for the future- and maybe a challenge to anyone reading this who doesn't know their neighbours. BORROW A CUP OF SUGAR!! You don't even have to need it! It's not about the sugar! It's about starting a conversation. Making a connection. Building a sense of community. I think we all need to extend ourselves just a little. Because you never know when you may need those neighbours or they may need you! If you're lucky it'll be a bit of both! What a lovely feeling it is :)
G'Night
Sure enough - the next neighbour we met offered us open access to his shed - any gardening tool we may need including his lawn mower. "Young people just starting out shouldn't have to go out and buy all these things" he said.
Next thing that happened - one of our young teenage neighbours knocked on the door looking shy. " My Mom and I are baking cookies and we're short one egg" he explained "would you mind?". I giggled, gave him the egg and thanked him for coming over!
Our relations with most of our neighbours have continued on like this for the past three years and only continue to get better. When our second son was born many of them - even those we rarely see - stopped in with welcome gifts for Loukah and big brother gifts for Trystan. Some baked, others checked in regularly to see how we were doing. One of our neighbours spent three days helping Eric with bathroom renovations and teaching him how to do drywall!!
It happens frequently that some anonymous person brings my garbage cans in or clears the snow from the end of my driveway before I get the chance (especially on the weeks I alone with the boys - I think they keep track! lol ). It's wonderful.
We try to give back where we can. We bring in garbage cans, we take around baking when we've made something. We house sit or take out trash for people when they go on vacation. We genuinely like and care for our neighbours. It's a very warm feeling.
We know that this is not the norm these days. I grew up in a neighbourhood like this so it's familiar to me. To Eric it's a little odd. Charming, but odd. Many of our friends comment that they don't even know their neighbours names! I think it's a sign of our busy lives. The fact that we don't often have the time or the energy or the inclination to say hello and start a conversation. I think it's also often a matter of circumstances. People feel shy, don't know how to start a conversation. Maybe they aren't outside much.
After you've lived somewhere for a while it gets harder to introduce yourself and ask "What's your name" because you feel it should have been done long ago. I know these feelings, I've been there. We had one neighbour who was not part of the friendly exchange. They are a little more particular and guarded. But this past summer I got up some nerve and started talking plants with her. Soon we were exchanging perennials and chatting over the fence!
I'm thinking of all this, this week because we've had a lot of snow recently and my helpful neighbours have really made a difference in my getting through it all. I keep wondering - what would I have done? What if no one had ever knocked on our door? Would I have knocked on theirs?? I'm not sure I would have. I can't imagine how isolated and stressful it would be if I were here on my own with the boys and the snow and didn't feel I could reach out to those around me!
So...let this be a lesson to us all. A reminder to me for the future- and maybe a challenge to anyone reading this who doesn't know their neighbours. BORROW A CUP OF SUGAR!! You don't even have to need it! It's not about the sugar! It's about starting a conversation. Making a connection. Building a sense of community. I think we all need to extend ourselves just a little. Because you never know when you may need those neighbours or they may need you! If you're lucky it'll be a bit of both! What a lovely feeling it is :)
G'Night
Sunday 15 January 2012
Thoughtful notes
We were rearranging the house this weekend and I came across some old notebooks. One in particular caught my attention - it's the notebook I used while attending an Ethics conference through work. It was a really unique and wonderful experience and there was a lot of discussion about Mercy. I remember being inspired by many of the speakers that weekend. My notes are kind of scattered and incoherent but when tied together I find them provoking. I thought I'd share some of them because I think it's a beautiful topic - Mercy - and a word often forgotten in our society. I hope some of these notes touch and inspire you the way they did me.
'It's less painful to exclude yourself than to be asked to leave'
Mercy is the social power that "welcomes back".
Mercy isn't about giving a person what they want. It's about being fair and honest in your response to them, in respecting them as equal and recognising their value and unique experience.
Mercy is possible where ever people are in contact with other people
Mercy is when we stop fixing and engage the individual in finding happiness through being at peace with who they are.
Mutual regard is the essence of human life'
Healing comes when we stop looking externally and begin to look within.
Words to ponder.
G'Night
'It's less painful to exclude yourself than to be asked to leave'
Mercy is the social power that "welcomes back".
Mercy isn't about giving a person what they want. It's about being fair and honest in your response to them, in respecting them as equal and recognising their value and unique experience.
Mercy is possible where ever people are in contact with other people
Mercy is when we stop fixing and engage the individual in finding happiness through being at peace with who they are.
Mutual regard is the essence of human life'
Healing comes when we stop looking externally and begin to look within.
Words to ponder.
G'Night
Saturday 14 January 2012
Lemonade
Who invented Lemonade?
Who ever it was must have been an optimist.
Same with Cranberry Juice - and wine!
Who else could take a sour nasty, rank piece of fruit and say "Hey! I bet this would taste good if....!"
The people who first started eating cheese deserve some credit too. Talk about positive thinking! "Let's scrape the mold off and eat the stuff underneath! I bet it'll be great on crackers!"
We owe a lot to this type of thinking. I mean seriously! Wine and cheese!!
We can learn a lot too.
About taking what looks like a negative and finding the positive.
I've been thinking about this a lot recently as I read the Facebook posts of friends and family who excitedly count down the days until they leave winter behind and head off on their tropical vacations. I must admit I have a wee bit of travel envy - and wouldn't complain about a little colour on my cheeks. But truly - I'm loving winter!
I think a lot of people dread winter because of the snow shovelling and the cold chill down their neck - that's logical. And who could claim to enjoy that insulting gust if wind that sends a clump of snow down the back of your neck. BUT there is another side to winter. The part where you get to come in from the cold and warm yourself with hot chocolate and cosy family meals. The part where you invite friends over to watch a movie, drink tea or even better - go tobogganing!!
Believe it or not - as a stay at home mom I find winter easier than the fall. we venture outside as often as possible. Trystan plays while I shovel. Loukah takes deeper longer naps and wakes up more cheerful than ever. We have invented a game in which I shovel every last stitch of snow into a huge mound. It's now taller than me. I've even shovelled the lawn! lol This is Trystans castle - or his mountain - or the scene of his most recent 'Survivor Challenge' depending on the mood of the day. It works beautifully. He plays delightedly and I get my exercises! (The hardest thing to work into the day when home alone). We go on 'snowy walks'. Trystan rides in the toboggan behind me while I push Loukah's stroller. We go hunting for Frosty - or seeking Santa. If it's nice enough we go out after dark and look at the lights!
This is my lemonaid! The sweet taste of happiness in the middle of what could potentially be a very sour season.
Life is like that isn't it? A piece of juicy fruit. You can accept it's bitter layers - or squeeze out every drop and sweeten it just to your liking!
So....are you a squeezer??
G'Night
Who ever it was must have been an optimist.
Same with Cranberry Juice - and wine!
Who else could take a sour nasty, rank piece of fruit and say "Hey! I bet this would taste good if....!"
The people who first started eating cheese deserve some credit too. Talk about positive thinking! "Let's scrape the mold off and eat the stuff underneath! I bet it'll be great on crackers!"
We owe a lot to this type of thinking. I mean seriously! Wine and cheese!!
We can learn a lot too.
About taking what looks like a negative and finding the positive.
I've been thinking about this a lot recently as I read the Facebook posts of friends and family who excitedly count down the days until they leave winter behind and head off on their tropical vacations. I must admit I have a wee bit of travel envy - and wouldn't complain about a little colour on my cheeks. But truly - I'm loving winter!
I think a lot of people dread winter because of the snow shovelling and the cold chill down their neck - that's logical. And who could claim to enjoy that insulting gust if wind that sends a clump of snow down the back of your neck. BUT there is another side to winter. The part where you get to come in from the cold and warm yourself with hot chocolate and cosy family meals. The part where you invite friends over to watch a movie, drink tea or even better - go tobogganing!!
Believe it or not - as a stay at home mom I find winter easier than the fall. we venture outside as often as possible. Trystan plays while I shovel. Loukah takes deeper longer naps and wakes up more cheerful than ever. We have invented a game in which I shovel every last stitch of snow into a huge mound. It's now taller than me. I've even shovelled the lawn! lol This is Trystans castle - or his mountain - or the scene of his most recent 'Survivor Challenge' depending on the mood of the day. It works beautifully. He plays delightedly and I get my exercises! (The hardest thing to work into the day when home alone). We go on 'snowy walks'. Trystan rides in the toboggan behind me while I push Loukah's stroller. We go hunting for Frosty - or seeking Santa. If it's nice enough we go out after dark and look at the lights!
This is my lemonaid! The sweet taste of happiness in the middle of what could potentially be a very sour season.
Life is like that isn't it? A piece of juicy fruit. You can accept it's bitter layers - or squeeze out every drop and sweeten it just to your liking!
So....are you a squeezer??
G'Night
Thursday 12 January 2012
Old Journals
Journaling is such a great thing. It's a chance to record your thoughts etc - but what's really cool is when you go back and read old entries that hit home in a big way many years later. I always think that means you've travelled the right path...it's a sort of synchronicity between the old you and the you you are today. I've been reading through some old entries and a couple have really hit hard. Given that Mothering seems to have emerged as my recent theme I thought I'd share this one. I think it was written about 10 years ago.
"It's funny how sometimes things you've known in your heart for years come flooding into your brain like an epiphany. Like the sudden realisation that your parents are always going to be "Mom and Dad" and the house they live in will always be "home". Maybe it's because they bring the things you grew up with. Maybe it's because there are pictures and stories and blankets that bring moments and memories flooding back. For me I think maybe it's the simple fact that - to them - I will always be that little girl that loved to dance on the piano bench and stare out the window looking at "all the people". It's sad and wonderful all at once.
Under the roofs that kept me warm and dry and loved for so many years I've learned and grown and become a woman - Wonderful
I've had to learn many a lesson the hard way, there have been times when I felt pretty pitiful - even jaded. Not that little girl at all - Sad
I've experienced and grown to understand my life lessons in a way that shapes who I become and will influence the environment my own children will grow up in - wonderful.
No matter how low I got my parents were always there to remind me of who I was as a child - who I was to them - and who I could be, if I wanted to be again - Unspeakable magic "
A dear friend pointed out to me recently that I am one of her few friends who not only can tolerate my parents for extended periods of time- but looks forward to visits. She asked me what I thought the secret was. What was it that they did - or didn't do that keeps me coming back. At first I was taken aback. Is it really that unusual?? I'd never thought about it. It is possible that my children could grow up and not want to visit me?? This is terrifying!! Then I thought about it - and have continued to think about it since. What is it?? It's this....the stuff this 10 year old journal entry was getting at. The pure love, the acceptance. The quirky imperfections and the humour. The fact that there is no pressure to be anything - except happy - true to ourselves. My parents didn't raise me to be a certain person. Of course they instilled their values and ideals. But they didn't try to shape me. Instead, they noticed who I was and nurtured that. Helped me to remember when I felt lost and have been endlessly supportive.
This will be my unwavering goal as a mother. And if all goes well, my kids will visit me too ;D
G'Night
"It's funny how sometimes things you've known in your heart for years come flooding into your brain like an epiphany. Like the sudden realisation that your parents are always going to be "Mom and Dad" and the house they live in will always be "home". Maybe it's because they bring the things you grew up with. Maybe it's because there are pictures and stories and blankets that bring moments and memories flooding back. For me I think maybe it's the simple fact that - to them - I will always be that little girl that loved to dance on the piano bench and stare out the window looking at "all the people". It's sad and wonderful all at once.
Under the roofs that kept me warm and dry and loved for so many years I've learned and grown and become a woman - Wonderful
I've had to learn many a lesson the hard way, there have been times when I felt pretty pitiful - even jaded. Not that little girl at all - Sad
I've experienced and grown to understand my life lessons in a way that shapes who I become and will influence the environment my own children will grow up in - wonderful.
No matter how low I got my parents were always there to remind me of who I was as a child - who I was to them - and who I could be, if I wanted to be again - Unspeakable magic "
A dear friend pointed out to me recently that I am one of her few friends who not only can tolerate my parents for extended periods of time- but looks forward to visits. She asked me what I thought the secret was. What was it that they did - or didn't do that keeps me coming back. At first I was taken aback. Is it really that unusual?? I'd never thought about it. It is possible that my children could grow up and not want to visit me?? This is terrifying!! Then I thought about it - and have continued to think about it since. What is it?? It's this....the stuff this 10 year old journal entry was getting at. The pure love, the acceptance. The quirky imperfections and the humour. The fact that there is no pressure to be anything - except happy - true to ourselves. My parents didn't raise me to be a certain person. Of course they instilled their values and ideals. But they didn't try to shape me. Instead, they noticed who I was and nurtured that. Helped me to remember when I felt lost and have been endlessly supportive.
This will be my unwavering goal as a mother. And if all goes well, my kids will visit me too ;D
G'Night
Wednesday 11 January 2012
A quick Tidbit about TimBits
I have a theory.
You can determine a persons level of contentment by the way they order timbits.
6 or more: may require some therapy or at least is in need of a vacation
3-5: relatively happy person who just feels a little something is missing ( may have been breakfast ;))
1-2: a generally satisfied individual
Less than 1: Self actualized
Maslow had it wrong
I'll just have a bite of yours!
G'Night
(Mom and Dad)
You can determine a persons level of contentment by the way they order timbits.
6 or more: may require some therapy or at least is in need of a vacation
3-5: relatively happy person who just feels a little something is missing ( may have been breakfast ;))
1-2: a generally satisfied individual
Less than 1: Self actualized
Maslow had it wrong
I'll just have a bite of yours!
G'Night
(Mom and Dad)
Even Insomnia has an upside
The insomnia started sometime during my second pregnancy. It comes and goes and has never lasted for more than two weeks. Usually it's caused by Restless Leg Syndrome - sometimes it's caused by....I don't know - life I guess.
The first time I had insomnia really badly (for an extended time) was shortly after Loukah was born. Eric had gone to work so I was alone with the boys, and I couldn't fall asleep - or stay asleep. I tried everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Every suggestion anyone had to offer and everything I had ever suggested to clients at work. It was not only useless but agonisingly frustrating. I came to wonder how it was after all these years none of my clients had ever punched me in the face? lol...all the time spent offering well meaning, completely crappy ideas! What a bunch of kind and patient folks I've been working with!
Upside number one - I will be a better case worker because I will have more empathy and less handy dandy BS to offer.
My typical way of managing sleep issues is to try to relax. I tell myself I may not be sleeping but at least I can try to rest. This is not as easy as it sounds when your legs are doing the holky pokey all by themselves...but I try. I let my mind wander - try to think about pleasant things - try to appreciate the quiet.
Upside number two - I have a little time to myself in a quiet house
Recently I've had a lot on my mind. Starting this Blog has been kind of like opening a public diary and it's got me doing a lot of soul searching. Writing about mothering in particular has been a revelation. I always knew I wanted children in my life - be they mine - other peoples - family - adopted....somehow or another I would be sure to have the presence of children. AND I love being a mother! But this is only one role I play - a small and solitary part of who I am.
Upside number three - soul searching
I've spent some time staring at the ceiling and asking myself - who I am now....who do I want to be...and what do I need in order to bring back the balance (who knows - maybe this will solve some of the insomnia?!?) I haven't come up with all the answers...but I have a few good ideas.
First and foremost I am a people person.
I love people...they fascinate me. They entertain - inspire - at times disappoint me. At the end of the day I know in my heart that the nature of people is fundamentally good.
I am an optimist
I am very athletic in my heart - only average athletic in my body....but I can dance like a Demon on fire!! I have MUSIC in my SOUL !! :D
I value compassion above all other traits. I believe that without compassion nothing else works.
I WANT to be...
A go getter (but I'm kind of lazy ...teehee)
Inspirational (but my life is pretty average ...ah well...)
Skinny (but I love sweet things...yummm..)
I will settle for...
Children who know they are loved and grow up understanding compassion
A family and friends who understand the depths to which I cherish them.
Retro 70's furnishing in a well built home lol ( you gotta' see it to believe it!)
I will not settle for...
Forgetting my own goals (like going back to school - or doing foreign aid work)
Growing sedentary
Standing idly by while others suffer
There is alot more I'm still thinking about. My life's passion, deepest regret, purest goal. I'm far from having it figured out. Which leads to
Upside number four- You always know there will be time to think about it some more.
I'd prefer a tropical vacation with a bottle of wine and my journal.
Instead I have insomnia and this blog.
Ah....could be much worse ;)
G'Night
The first time I had insomnia really badly (for an extended time) was shortly after Loukah was born. Eric had gone to work so I was alone with the boys, and I couldn't fall asleep - or stay asleep. I tried everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Every suggestion anyone had to offer and everything I had ever suggested to clients at work. It was not only useless but agonisingly frustrating. I came to wonder how it was after all these years none of my clients had ever punched me in the face? lol...all the time spent offering well meaning, completely crappy ideas! What a bunch of kind and patient folks I've been working with!
Upside number one - I will be a better case worker because I will have more empathy and less handy dandy BS to offer.
My typical way of managing sleep issues is to try to relax. I tell myself I may not be sleeping but at least I can try to rest. This is not as easy as it sounds when your legs are doing the holky pokey all by themselves...but I try. I let my mind wander - try to think about pleasant things - try to appreciate the quiet.
Upside number two - I have a little time to myself in a quiet house
Recently I've had a lot on my mind. Starting this Blog has been kind of like opening a public diary and it's got me doing a lot of soul searching. Writing about mothering in particular has been a revelation. I always knew I wanted children in my life - be they mine - other peoples - family - adopted....somehow or another I would be sure to have the presence of children. AND I love being a mother! But this is only one role I play - a small and solitary part of who I am.
Upside number three - soul searching
I've spent some time staring at the ceiling and asking myself - who I am now....who do I want to be...and what do I need in order to bring back the balance (who knows - maybe this will solve some of the insomnia?!?) I haven't come up with all the answers...but I have a few good ideas.
First and foremost I am a people person.
I love people...they fascinate me. They entertain - inspire - at times disappoint me. At the end of the day I know in my heart that the nature of people is fundamentally good.
I am an optimist
I am very athletic in my heart - only average athletic in my body....but I can dance like a Demon on fire!! I have MUSIC in my SOUL !! :D
I value compassion above all other traits. I believe that without compassion nothing else works.
I WANT to be...
A go getter (but I'm kind of lazy ...teehee)
Inspirational (but my life is pretty average ...ah well...)
Skinny (but I love sweet things...yummm..)
I will settle for...
Children who know they are loved and grow up understanding compassion
A family and friends who understand the depths to which I cherish them.
Retro 70's furnishing in a well built home lol ( you gotta' see it to believe it!)
I will not settle for...
Forgetting my own goals (like going back to school - or doing foreign aid work)
Growing sedentary
Standing idly by while others suffer
There is alot more I'm still thinking about. My life's passion, deepest regret, purest goal. I'm far from having it figured out. Which leads to
Upside number four- You always know there will be time to think about it some more.
I'd prefer a tropical vacation with a bottle of wine and my journal.
Instead I have insomnia and this blog.
Ah....could be much worse ;)
G'Night
Tuesday 10 January 2012
Essence
This is the way it feels today...
The essence of life is not something that can be found packaged or bottled, or at the end of any long journey.
It is rather seen in the adouring eyes of your lover.
Heard in the laughter of children.
Smelled in the air after an early autumn rain.
Felt in the warm touch of sand running through your toes. Or the chill as you walk bare foot in the snow.
There is no definition, no description, no explanation.
There is only the strangely exciting moment when you experience these things - often for the hundredth time - as if they were the first.
The esence of life is captured within you the moment you gaze back into those eyes.
Fill your lungs with that air.
Bask in the joyful sound - or better yet join in the play of those children!
You are truly living when you walk more often with your shoes off!
Looking, seeing, hearing, touching - LOVING
Never allowing the everyday moments and happenings to become mundane.
Life is not a conquest.
It's not even a quest!
It's an experience.
Meant to be savoured and cherished.
Meant to be tasted. Used as if it were the warmest cloak on the coldest ,darkest night.
RELISHED
Life is about loving
It's about hurt and forgiveness
Hard work and beautiful rewards.
Life is about giving and never looking back.
Life is about all of the things we most often forget.
Patience- Tolerance -Playfulness
Honesty - Humility - Emotion
Life is an endless stream of choices, consequences and memories.
For even the smartest, and most lucky
The key is the pay attention - listen closely - be willing to accept the consequences
AND most of all, LOVE the rewards.
G'Night
The essence of life is not something that can be found packaged or bottled, or at the end of any long journey.
It is rather seen in the adouring eyes of your lover.
Heard in the laughter of children.
Smelled in the air after an early autumn rain.
Felt in the warm touch of sand running through your toes. Or the chill as you walk bare foot in the snow.
There is no definition, no description, no explanation.
There is only the strangely exciting moment when you experience these things - often for the hundredth time - as if they were the first.
The esence of life is captured within you the moment you gaze back into those eyes.
Fill your lungs with that air.
Bask in the joyful sound - or better yet join in the play of those children!
You are truly living when you walk more often with your shoes off!
Looking, seeing, hearing, touching - LOVING
Never allowing the everyday moments and happenings to become mundane.
Life is not a conquest.
It's not even a quest!
It's an experience.
Meant to be savoured and cherished.
Meant to be tasted. Used as if it were the warmest cloak on the coldest ,darkest night.
RELISHED
Life is about loving
It's about hurt and forgiveness
Hard work and beautiful rewards.
Life is about giving and never looking back.
Life is about all of the things we most often forget.
Patience- Tolerance -Playfulness
Honesty - Humility - Emotion
Life is an endless stream of choices, consequences and memories.
For even the smartest, and most lucky
The key is the pay attention - listen closely - be willing to accept the consequences
AND most of all, LOVE the rewards.
G'Night
Monday 9 January 2012
How do you spell Epiphany???
I don't know - is that right? E P I P H A N Y? It looks wrong - but no matter.
Last night after a particularly strange day coming on the heels of a couple tough weeks in which Trystan is asserting his little Toddler self in Big Toddler ways....I fell asleep...before he did lol.
I woke up at about 3 in the morning and stumbled into the kitchen to make Loukah a bottle - I reached for the formula and found myself scooping peanut butter instead! Next I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I stood there pondering recent events. I can't say I've been particularly pleased with the way I've handled some of T man's behaviour lately. I am surprised by how easy it is to be a good parent when your child is good - and how hard it is to still be a good parent when your child is pressing all your buttons (with vigor and pleasure I might add! lol). I have found myself yelling (a promise we long ago made NOT to do in this home), bribing, and having conversations like... "Stop it" - "no you stop it"!
Oh my God - did I actually get into a "you stop it" fight with my three year old!? For shame Mommy!
So...I stood staring at that little pink card, the one I spoke about New Years Eve. Stood, staring, waivering between laughter and tears. I was feeling amused -yet a little ashamed - and quite tired. Suddenly I saw that little phrase as if for the first time. Today - suddenly I read it from the perspective of mothering. The card in full reads:
"Loving is the whole point
Love Imperfectly
Keep surprise close at hand
Make lots of mistakes
Be willing to live in between right and wrong."
I cried.
I'm crying as I write this. With the deepest most unexplainable sense of relief. Because in those moments when I find my three year old is getting the best of me. Or that I'm failing my infant because he gets no where near the time and attention Trystan got as an infant; I sometimes feel lost in mothering. I fear that I'm doing something wrong. But when I read my little pink card - I think things here are so very right. AND when I think even further about this little life we've built (Eric and I )- it's not perfect or simple but it works. In fact we often comment about how rich and lucky we feel! I think that's because - to the depths of our being - we believe that LOVING is the whole point. Maybe this is lifes meaning? Maybe it's been staring me in the face all this time? The meaning of life isn't just to live it. It's to LOVE.
I'm rambling now...better go scoop some peanut butter for the baby and hang the cat up to dry ;p
G'Night
(with Love)
Last night after a particularly strange day coming on the heels of a couple tough weeks in which Trystan is asserting his little Toddler self in Big Toddler ways....I fell asleep...before he did lol.
I woke up at about 3 in the morning and stumbled into the kitchen to make Loukah a bottle - I reached for the formula and found myself scooping peanut butter instead! Next I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I stood there pondering recent events. I can't say I've been particularly pleased with the way I've handled some of T man's behaviour lately. I am surprised by how easy it is to be a good parent when your child is good - and how hard it is to still be a good parent when your child is pressing all your buttons (with vigor and pleasure I might add! lol). I have found myself yelling (a promise we long ago made NOT to do in this home), bribing, and having conversations like... "Stop it" - "no you stop it"!
Oh my God - did I actually get into a "you stop it" fight with my three year old!? For shame Mommy!
So...I stood staring at that little pink card, the one I spoke about New Years Eve. Stood, staring, waivering between laughter and tears. I was feeling amused -yet a little ashamed - and quite tired. Suddenly I saw that little phrase as if for the first time. Today - suddenly I read it from the perspective of mothering. The card in full reads:
"Loving is the whole point
Love Imperfectly
Keep surprise close at hand
Make lots of mistakes
Be willing to live in between right and wrong."
I cried.
I'm crying as I write this. With the deepest most unexplainable sense of relief. Because in those moments when I find my three year old is getting the best of me. Or that I'm failing my infant because he gets no where near the time and attention Trystan got as an infant; I sometimes feel lost in mothering. I fear that I'm doing something wrong. But when I read my little pink card - I think things here are so very right. AND when I think even further about this little life we've built (Eric and I )- it's not perfect or simple but it works. In fact we often comment about how rich and lucky we feel! I think that's because - to the depths of our being - we believe that LOVING is the whole point. Maybe this is lifes meaning? Maybe it's been staring me in the face all this time? The meaning of life isn't just to live it. It's to LOVE.
I'm rambling now...better go scoop some peanut butter for the baby and hang the cat up to dry ;p
G'Night
(with Love)
Wednesday 4 January 2012
Mothering
We have two beautiful children. Trystan is three now and (true to his name) he's one of the most loving children I've ever met (yes I know I'm bias). Loukah is 5 months and so full of joy I often wonder what life he lived before this one! Those little eyes twinkle like a soul that's seen a lot of beauty :)
Mothering hasn't come as easily to me as I thought it might - or as people who know me may have assumed. I love people and have always loved taking care - but having a child of my own was an adjustment like no other. It took me a very long time to realize that I was someones mother! I still think "how is this possible? I'm someones child NOT someones mother!" But it's a beautiful adventure.
We have a number of friends and family now who have become parents themselves and we enjoy the conversations that stem from it all. The challenges - the funny moments - the priceless quotes that our children come up with. It's quite possibly the hardest job and most certainly (in my opinion) the most important one of our lives. I have often found myself saying "having children doesn't make your life better or worse - just different" and I believe this entirely. What it does offer, in my experience, is an emotional richness that can not be compared or explained. I spend 7 out of 14 days alone with my two kids. By the end of these weeks I am usually pretty tired. I smell bad. The house is a disaster. There's a lot of laundry piled up. But I feel porud and satisfied with what I've done. I've spent a week with my children. We've snuggled, played, gone on adventures. We've learned from each other and loved each other - in a perfectly imperfect way.
I had a conversation with a dear friend today about mothering. About the day to day life of spending time with your child. Everyone does it so differently! There sometimes seems to be a pressure to do more, be more, expose your child to more. There always seem to be those mothers that have it all together, keep the house clean, volunteer, teach Sunday school, bake fresh banana bread. Their houses are clean and they even brush their hair and smell good and the end of the week to boot! It's hard not to get caught up in comparing yourself - wondering if you're supposed to be doing more. I found myself saying. "What you're doing is what you're supposed to be doing" I didn't mean to sound like a line from a movie but I realized it did. "How can I not be myself". After I got off the phone I kept thinking about it - and it just became so powerfully clear. Mothering is not about "supposed to" there is no "supposed to". Mothering is about being yourself - with your child - in whatever capacity feels right. It's about allowing your child to absorb and experience the world through the veil of energy you provide. There's no right or wrong or "supposed to" it that! We are different because of the differences in the way our parents raised us - and our children will be the wonderful people they become because of the way we raise them! So...what does this mean? I have no idea. But for some reason - at the end of this day I feel a little less shy about being the stinky disorganized mom. And I have a little less resentment for little Miss. 6 kids perfect hair! To each their own....and I'll keep mine thanks very much because I have Joy and Love and that's enough for me. :)
Mothering hasn't come as easily to me as I thought it might - or as people who know me may have assumed. I love people and have always loved taking care - but having a child of my own was an adjustment like no other. It took me a very long time to realize that I was someones mother! I still think "how is this possible? I'm someones child NOT someones mother!" But it's a beautiful adventure.
We have a number of friends and family now who have become parents themselves and we enjoy the conversations that stem from it all. The challenges - the funny moments - the priceless quotes that our children come up with. It's quite possibly the hardest job and most certainly (in my opinion) the most important one of our lives. I have often found myself saying "having children doesn't make your life better or worse - just different" and I believe this entirely. What it does offer, in my experience, is an emotional richness that can not be compared or explained. I spend 7 out of 14 days alone with my two kids. By the end of these weeks I am usually pretty tired. I smell bad. The house is a disaster. There's a lot of laundry piled up. But I feel porud and satisfied with what I've done. I've spent a week with my children. We've snuggled, played, gone on adventures. We've learned from each other and loved each other - in a perfectly imperfect way.
I had a conversation with a dear friend today about mothering. About the day to day life of spending time with your child. Everyone does it so differently! There sometimes seems to be a pressure to do more, be more, expose your child to more. There always seem to be those mothers that have it all together, keep the house clean, volunteer, teach Sunday school, bake fresh banana bread. Their houses are clean and they even brush their hair and smell good and the end of the week to boot! It's hard not to get caught up in comparing yourself - wondering if you're supposed to be doing more. I found myself saying. "What you're doing is what you're supposed to be doing" I didn't mean to sound like a line from a movie but I realized it did. "How can I not be myself". After I got off the phone I kept thinking about it - and it just became so powerfully clear. Mothering is not about "supposed to" there is no "supposed to". Mothering is about being yourself - with your child - in whatever capacity feels right. It's about allowing your child to absorb and experience the world through the veil of energy you provide. There's no right or wrong or "supposed to" it that! We are different because of the differences in the way our parents raised us - and our children will be the wonderful people they become because of the way we raise them! So...what does this mean? I have no idea. But for some reason - at the end of this day I feel a little less shy about being the stinky disorganized mom. And I have a little less resentment for little Miss. 6 kids perfect hair! To each their own....and I'll keep mine thanks very much because I have Joy and Love and that's enough for me. :)
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