Promises

I've always loved the movie Finding Nemo.  There's an awesome conversation between a sea turtle and Nemo's over protective Dad.  They are talking about letting kids go out into the world.  "How do you know they're ready" asks Marlin (the Dad) "Well, ya' never really know" says the hippie sea turtle, "but when they know, you'll know".  I love this...I think it's so perfect and honest and true!

The boys and I had an outing yesterday with some good friends. They pampered us with a relaxing afternoon by putting Nemo on their enormous television. (Trystan thought we were at the movies lol).  Near the end of the film there was another conversation I had previously missed - this time it brought me to tears.  Nemo's Dad, speaking about his son says "I promised I'd never let anything happen to him." and his friend Dori replies "that's a strange thing to promise!"   OH my GOD!! (Tears - here we go again)

Isn't this the promise so many of us make?  The promise that haunts us through every new experience, every mistake, every injury.  We, as parents see ourselves as the protectors, and burden oursleves with the notion that we are supposed to protect our children from the world.  When in fact - this is NOT our job.  Our job is to be there.  In the being there our duty changes with each moment and every experience.  Sometimes we are supposed to intervein (of course)and protect them, other times we are mearly there to ease the fall, help heal the wounds - or (hardest of all) witness the learning and do nothing.  We are there to put things into perspective, help them understand what is a BIG deal and what is a little 'bummer'.  We are there to root for, cheer for, cry with and console.  BUT we are not GODS. 
Life is supposed to happen.
Our children NEED us to allow life to happen for them.
We should be preparing them for the choices, consequences and difficulties.  We should be doing all we can to ease them into the hard stuff and yet....let things happen. 

And so...today I released myself from the promise - to never let anything happen.  I've made a new promise.
I promise to do my best, to pick the right moments. To recognize the difference between grave and uncomfortable.
I promise to protect my children as best I can in the moments they need protecting and be there in a supportive, loving capacity in the moments when life happens.
I promise, that I will allow my children to see me laugh as well as cry.  I will be brave sometimes, and share my fears without shame so that they will know it's right and safe to do both in this family.
I will listen to my children and learn with them as they learn through their experiences.
And if they will allow me the priviledge I will share my life experiences with them so that hopefully they can learn through some of my mistakes and not have to make all the same ones themselves.
I promise most of all - to never make a promise I can't keep.  Like - for example, never letting anything happen to them.
Because - what a shame it would be if I got in the way of this challenging, beautiful journey they are embarking on. Life.

In addition to this new promise I've added a prayer.
'Dear Sweet Destiny, please be kind with my children.'

G'night