There have been more than a few moments in my life when I have looked at or felt something very simple and been completely overwhlemed by the beauty. There are few in particular that stand out. A few that - took me over so completely that I, for a moment wondered if it was even real - if any of this life was real or was it a sublime dream?
I remember standing at the top of Blackholm Glacier watching the Sunrise
I remember snowboarding in powder for the first time and feeling like I was flying through clouds
I remember standing in the yard of our tiny little house in the woods - breathing as deeply as I could because the lilacs were blooming and the breeze was so perfect.
I remember planting tiny little Sunflower seeds and watching massive, beautiful flowers grow to become 10 feet tall in my yard!
I remember holding my child on my chest for the first time - patty his tiny little bum and playing with his fingers and toes.
The other day, Trystan put his hand on my face in the most loving, thoughtful way. He just looked quietly for a moment, then burried his head in my neck "AH, I wuv you Mommy".
Today, Loukah lay his little head on my shoulder, wrapped his hand around my finger, and quiety rested there until he drifted off to sleep.
It is REAL - this sublime dream. Life - is a beauitful, sublime dream.
Saturday 28 January 2012
What I've learned so far - Part Four
It's interesting to me how timely some of the points are today (this list has been written and on paper for many years and I'm following the exact order in which they have been written - no sorting) I always consider this kind of symmetry to mean I'm in the right place in my life. When old wisdom meets current living - it's comforting to me. Hope some of this is interesting to you in some way.
31) Don't assume the world is the way you see it. Everyone's reality is different
32) Stop expecting your parents to be perfect. Forgive their mistakes as you would ask yours to be forgiven. They are human. You will make many mistakes too.
33) Be willing to consider you're wrong sometimes. Be willing to consider criticism, take it or reject it - but consider it first
34) FLAWS - we all have 'em - find a way to laugh at yourself rather than feeling you have to fix or defend them.
35) Everything does not happen for a reason. Bad things happen to good people, but something good can come even of tragedy if you choose to look for it.
36) For every death - a new life is created
37) Ask yourself what you want and listen to the answer with the same interest you would to a dear friends answer.
38) Give sincerely, never expect back
39) Change is often as good as a rest
40) Listen to other peoples opinions - DECIDE for yourself
G'Night
31) Don't assume the world is the way you see it. Everyone's reality is different
32) Stop expecting your parents to be perfect. Forgive their mistakes as you would ask yours to be forgiven. They are human. You will make many mistakes too.
33) Be willing to consider you're wrong sometimes. Be willing to consider criticism, take it or reject it - but consider it first
34) FLAWS - we all have 'em - find a way to laugh at yourself rather than feeling you have to fix or defend them.
35) Everything does not happen for a reason. Bad things happen to good people, but something good can come even of tragedy if you choose to look for it.
36) For every death - a new life is created
37) Ask yourself what you want and listen to the answer with the same interest you would to a dear friends answer.
38) Give sincerely, never expect back
39) Change is often as good as a rest
40) Listen to other peoples opinions - DECIDE for yourself
G'Night
Thursday 26 January 2012
What I've learned - Part Three
I can not take credit for the origins of all these points. Some of the greatest wisdom of my life has come from my husband Eric. He thinks very differently and sometimes it takes me a while to catch on to what he is saying - but when I get it....it sinks in hard.
21) In life there are times when you're at the top of the mountain (good times) and others the valley (hard times). You have the clearest view from the mountain top. Make your decisions when you're there and stick to them when you're lost in the clouds of the valley.
22) Have hobbies
23) Spend time with nature
24) FIGHT - only if you must. 1st to defend another, 2nd youself. Use your brain first, words second, body last.
25) Sometimes the hardest thing to say is nothing at all
26) Give a firm handshake, especially if you're a woman
27) Be friends with people of all ages, faiths, abilities, backgrounds...there is so much to learn and understand!
28) Never take your priviledge for granted
29) Drop your sense of entitlement. The world owes you nothing.
30) everyone can't like you. In fact rest assurd they won't. Don't waste your time worrying about them. Focus your energy on those who do!
21) In life there are times when you're at the top of the mountain (good times) and others the valley (hard times). You have the clearest view from the mountain top. Make your decisions when you're there and stick to them when you're lost in the clouds of the valley.
22) Have hobbies
23) Spend time with nature
24) FIGHT - only if you must. 1st to defend another, 2nd youself. Use your brain first, words second, body last.
25) Sometimes the hardest thing to say is nothing at all
26) Give a firm handshake, especially if you're a woman
27) Be friends with people of all ages, faiths, abilities, backgrounds...there is so much to learn and understand!
28) Never take your priviledge for granted
29) Drop your sense of entitlement. The world owes you nothing.
30) everyone can't like you. In fact rest assurd they won't. Don't waste your time worrying about them. Focus your energy on those who do!
I organized a play date this week. Invited 7 or 8 parents with their toddlers and infants to come by for an afternoon of fun. I started out with about 7 parents intending to come this would have made it 5 toddlers and 7 babes! I was delighted. Baked bread pudding, rice crispy squares, made guacamole! Hyped T man up for three days about our friends coming to play and how we would share the toys etc. As life with kids often happens - by this morning I was down to 3 or 4 parents, and by 3 pm I had 2 moms with babes.
I'm not sure if it's completely accurate to call this a lemonade situation or not. Of course it was a little disappointing. Especially for Trystan who was still waiting at 5pm for "the guys" to come play. I enjoy all the people who were invited and would have been so pleased to host the group. However, the kind of conversation you have with just 2 other women is very different than in a larger mixed group. We talked about everything - and anything - and it felt like such a loving, supportive little trio! We nibbled treats and talked about life, husbands, babies. We laughed at ourselves and shared stories about how ridiculous we are when we're sleep deprived. It was delightful!
I've been struggling a little with the direction of my blogging. I know there really doesn't have to be a specific direction - in fact - that's been my struggle. I didn't intend to write about being a mother all the time. But that seems to have been what's emerged. I guess that's because it's all I do right now. But I feel so strongly about the fact that it's not all I am! So I've been trying to write about other things too - and it doesn't feel right. It feels forced and empty. I always come back to "mothering". Today during our mommy play date I came to realise that writing about my experience is serving a purpose beyond mothering. It's allowing other women (parents maybe) to relate - feel less alone, connect in the experience. I didn't realise how many people have been reading along and enjoying these little snip its! So - when I feel like it I'll insert other items - but for now I think you're going to keep seeing a lot about my day to day mommy hood! I think it's healthy for all of us and I am enjoying the process.
(Hold on to your hats when I get the time to talk about Potty training. It'll be a poopapalooza!)
Now - I made a promise to e-mail the Ellen Show tonight, so I'm off to write that note. (It's a long story)
Goodnight - to my lovely ladies of the day!
Goodnight to the mommies and Jay that we missed out on!
G'Night - to my anonymous readers. I'm intrigued by you. I want to know more!
I'm not sure if it's completely accurate to call this a lemonade situation or not. Of course it was a little disappointing. Especially for Trystan who was still waiting at 5pm for "the guys" to come play. I enjoy all the people who were invited and would have been so pleased to host the group. However, the kind of conversation you have with just 2 other women is very different than in a larger mixed group. We talked about everything - and anything - and it felt like such a loving, supportive little trio! We nibbled treats and talked about life, husbands, babies. We laughed at ourselves and shared stories about how ridiculous we are when we're sleep deprived. It was delightful!
I've been struggling a little with the direction of my blogging. I know there really doesn't have to be a specific direction - in fact - that's been my struggle. I didn't intend to write about being a mother all the time. But that seems to have been what's emerged. I guess that's because it's all I do right now. But I feel so strongly about the fact that it's not all I am! So I've been trying to write about other things too - and it doesn't feel right. It feels forced and empty. I always come back to "mothering". Today during our mommy play date I came to realise that writing about my experience is serving a purpose beyond mothering. It's allowing other women (parents maybe) to relate - feel less alone, connect in the experience. I didn't realise how many people have been reading along and enjoying these little snip its! So - when I feel like it I'll insert other items - but for now I think you're going to keep seeing a lot about my day to day mommy hood! I think it's healthy for all of us and I am enjoying the process.
(Hold on to your hats when I get the time to talk about Potty training. It'll be a poopapalooza!)
Now - I made a promise to e-mail the Ellen Show tonight, so I'm off to write that note. (It's a long story)
Goodnight - to my lovely ladies of the day!
Goodnight to the mommies and Jay that we missed out on!
G'Night - to my anonymous readers. I'm intrigued by you. I want to know more!
Tuesday 24 January 2012
What I've learned so far - Part Two
I'm a little brain lazy today....so this is all I can produce :)
11) There is no secret. Not to weight loss, wealth, happiness, success etc. It's all out there for all of us to see. We know it. It takes effort, self discipline, patience...
12) Often, what we dislike about another person is something we see in ourselves and are not proud of
13) Anger and jealously are secondary emotions. The truth of what you're feeling lies somewhere underneath.
14) Constantly seeking approval becomes toxic to you and your relationships. Do what feels right.
15) Gossip only makes you look like an untrustworthy person
16) Never tell another persons secret (with that in mind - think twice before you accept hearing someones secret, this can be a very heavy burden)
17) Strive always for - Humility, Dignity, Honesty, Loyalty
18) Be curious, be interested, be sincere. These qualities will take you nearly anywhere you wish to go.
19) FORGIVE
20) Be "weird" - march to your own hearts rhythm
11) There is no secret. Not to weight loss, wealth, happiness, success etc. It's all out there for all of us to see. We know it. It takes effort, self discipline, patience...
12) Often, what we dislike about another person is something we see in ourselves and are not proud of
13) Anger and jealously are secondary emotions. The truth of what you're feeling lies somewhere underneath.
14) Constantly seeking approval becomes toxic to you and your relationships. Do what feels right.
15) Gossip only makes you look like an untrustworthy person
16) Never tell another persons secret (with that in mind - think twice before you accept hearing someones secret, this can be a very heavy burden)
17) Strive always for - Humility, Dignity, Honesty, Loyalty
18) Be curious, be interested, be sincere. These qualities will take you nearly anywhere you wish to go.
19) FORGIVE
20) Be "weird" - march to your own hearts rhythm
Monday 23 January 2012
What I've learned so far - Part One
This ongoing list is something I started about 8 years ago. I'm up to about 70 items and always figured I'd publis when I got to 100. But what the heck! I'll blog it now lol
I've learned most, but not all of these lessons through experience - some through observation. Let me be clear - just because I've learned that these things are true does not mean I have learned to successfully manage my life according to the guidelines. It's fun, and often helpful to me though, to look over this list and reflect on how I learned these truths - and how I can better apply them to improve my coping with the world in some way :)
I will share my list in chinks periodically. As food for thought - amusement - fuel to controversy!?? Hopefully it will generate some interest, some discussion, some reflection, or just a few giggles. I guess it depends on the content of the chunk ;)
For the record - I will not qualify these points with stories. Let your imagination amuse you :)
SO...here we go
1) In relationships: Never be the "other" - never tolerate "another"
2) Peoples true colours always show in the end - be patient and allow this to happen by itself
3) Be your own best friend. After that the others are bonus (but what a bonus they are!)
4) Most of the things we stress over are not to be controlled. So the stress is pointless.
5) The biggest regrets in life are usually the risks we didn't take.
6) When it comes to the people we love, there's no guarantee of a "next time" - so say it now!
7) Service to others is a beautiful experience and should be part of life. But don't lose yourself in it, it's not fair to you or the ones you serve.
8) No matter who you are you can always give more, speak less and learn from others
9) Never underestimate your own ability to adapt
10) Whether it feels like it or not in the moment or not, we choose our emotions. choose wisely :)
More to come
G'Night
I've learned most, but not all of these lessons through experience - some through observation. Let me be clear - just because I've learned that these things are true does not mean I have learned to successfully manage my life according to the guidelines. It's fun, and often helpful to me though, to look over this list and reflect on how I learned these truths - and how I can better apply them to improve my coping with the world in some way :)
I will share my list in chinks periodically. As food for thought - amusement - fuel to controversy!?? Hopefully it will generate some interest, some discussion, some reflection, or just a few giggles. I guess it depends on the content of the chunk ;)
For the record - I will not qualify these points with stories. Let your imagination amuse you :)
SO...here we go
1) In relationships: Never be the "other" - never tolerate "another"
2) Peoples true colours always show in the end - be patient and allow this to happen by itself
3) Be your own best friend. After that the others are bonus (but what a bonus they are!)
4) Most of the things we stress over are not to be controlled. So the stress is pointless.
5) The biggest regrets in life are usually the risks we didn't take.
6) When it comes to the people we love, there's no guarantee of a "next time" - so say it now!
7) Service to others is a beautiful experience and should be part of life. But don't lose yourself in it, it's not fair to you or the ones you serve.
8) No matter who you are you can always give more, speak less and learn from others
9) Never underestimate your own ability to adapt
10) Whether it feels like it or not in the moment or not, we choose our emotions. choose wisely :)
More to come
G'Night
Saturday 21 January 2012
Letting go of guilt
I may have been Catholic in my previous life. Or maybe I was just really bad, I'm not sure. But I am very aware that guilt is a prominent emotion for me. At times it's been helpful. It's a motivator. But for the most part it's just stupid. I'm a good person, I don't think I need to feel guilty all the time. But I kind of do - no....I do.
I have guilt over everything, and I mean everything! I feel guilty if I take time to myself, guilty for sleeping in, guilty for spending money, or not spending enough time with my kids. I feel guilty that I have things and my clients at work struggle to make ends meet. Guilty that we don't have more sponsor children and haven't put away more for our children's education! I feel guilty for not spending enough time or energy on my family, for being so bad at staying in touch with friends and family. I feel guilty about the bracelet of my mothers that I lost 30 years ago...the cookie tin I lost at camp 20 years ago. Not sharing my house better 10 years ago. Not going to my brothers hockey games, and stealing gum from my sisters Halloween candy when we were kids!..On and on it goes. I feel guilty about everything!
As most mothers - parents for that matter - can relate to there's a lot of guilt involved in parenting even when you're not a guilt ridden person. The guilt when you make the decision to breast feed or not - when to stop breastfeeding. The guilt the first time you accidentally allow your child to fall, or nip the tip of a little finger when cutting his nails. It's all so normal, inevitable even, but you feel guilty!!
I have been fortunate to be off on maternity leave with a fabulous group of women. We chat at play group and have each other over periodically for play date/ mommy time visits. One day, as I finished apologising for not responding to someones message, one of these dear ladies said to me "we all have enough mommy guilt without worrying about stuff like that - don't apologise" (a chorus of angels Ah AH AHHHH!!) She had no idea what that statement meant to me at the time or how far it would go. (Thank you Jen ;))
Among my many goals - I'm working very hard at letting go of guilt. I started with sleep. When Eric is home and I get a chance to sleep in - I take it. Step one is - I do it even though I feel guilty. I have noticed that I feel less guilty each time - so I guess it's working.
Around the house - especially during the weeks when I'm alone with the boys I try to do things for myself a little more. I put Loukah in his saucer while Trystan watches his morning show so I can have a quick bath. This may seem obvious but it wasn't for me - not for a long time! 'Loukah shouldn't be seeing TV he's too little'!. I stop and make myself a coffee in the morning. Again - obvious - but not. Up until recently everything seemed like a game of beat the clock in which, if I wanted something, I had to find a way of squeezing it in - in such a way as to NOT inconvenience anyone, or take even a moment away from my time with my family. If I didn't find that moment. Too bad for me! But I'm quickly realising that we all win when I take this few guilty moments. I feel more awake, patient and happy when I get a shower and a cup of coffee. I'm more relaxed when I stop clocking how much TV there's been and just relax into a tub of water for 5 minutes! Etc Etc. The end result - better days = less to feel guilty about!!
So...where does this leave me? Still feeling guilty a lot - that's just who I am. It will take a while before I can honestly claim to have let it go completely. BUT I'm learning that in much of what I feel guilty about I'm not alone. Another big chunk is really silly. A whole lot more I will have to just go ahead and do anyway. I will have to live with the guilt until it fades! If it doesn't fade - well, I'll come back in my next life as a Catholic! :)
I'm learning that letting go of the guilt is difficult - but a worthy endeavour. So I'll keep at it.
Now - I've spent too long writing this while Trystan waits for me to read him his good night story...the guilt is KILLING me!! I gotta' go.
G'Night
I have guilt over everything, and I mean everything! I feel guilty if I take time to myself, guilty for sleeping in, guilty for spending money, or not spending enough time with my kids. I feel guilty that I have things and my clients at work struggle to make ends meet. Guilty that we don't have more sponsor children and haven't put away more for our children's education! I feel guilty for not spending enough time or energy on my family, for being so bad at staying in touch with friends and family. I feel guilty about the bracelet of my mothers that I lost 30 years ago...the cookie tin I lost at camp 20 years ago. Not sharing my house better 10 years ago. Not going to my brothers hockey games, and stealing gum from my sisters Halloween candy when we were kids!..On and on it goes. I feel guilty about everything!
As most mothers - parents for that matter - can relate to there's a lot of guilt involved in parenting even when you're not a guilt ridden person. The guilt when you make the decision to breast feed or not - when to stop breastfeeding. The guilt the first time you accidentally allow your child to fall, or nip the tip of a little finger when cutting his nails. It's all so normal, inevitable even, but you feel guilty!!
I have been fortunate to be off on maternity leave with a fabulous group of women. We chat at play group and have each other over periodically for play date/ mommy time visits. One day, as I finished apologising for not responding to someones message, one of these dear ladies said to me "we all have enough mommy guilt without worrying about stuff like that - don't apologise" (a chorus of angels Ah AH AHHHH!!) She had no idea what that statement meant to me at the time or how far it would go. (Thank you Jen ;))
Among my many goals - I'm working very hard at letting go of guilt. I started with sleep. When Eric is home and I get a chance to sleep in - I take it. Step one is - I do it even though I feel guilty. I have noticed that I feel less guilty each time - so I guess it's working.
Around the house - especially during the weeks when I'm alone with the boys I try to do things for myself a little more. I put Loukah in his saucer while Trystan watches his morning show so I can have a quick bath. This may seem obvious but it wasn't for me - not for a long time! 'Loukah shouldn't be seeing TV he's too little'!. I stop and make myself a coffee in the morning. Again - obvious - but not. Up until recently everything seemed like a game of beat the clock in which, if I wanted something, I had to find a way of squeezing it in - in such a way as to NOT inconvenience anyone, or take even a moment away from my time with my family. If I didn't find that moment. Too bad for me! But I'm quickly realising that we all win when I take this few guilty moments. I feel more awake, patient and happy when I get a shower and a cup of coffee. I'm more relaxed when I stop clocking how much TV there's been and just relax into a tub of water for 5 minutes! Etc Etc. The end result - better days = less to feel guilty about!!
So...where does this leave me? Still feeling guilty a lot - that's just who I am. It will take a while before I can honestly claim to have let it go completely. BUT I'm learning that in much of what I feel guilty about I'm not alone. Another big chunk is really silly. A whole lot more I will have to just go ahead and do anyway. I will have to live with the guilt until it fades! If it doesn't fade - well, I'll come back in my next life as a Catholic! :)
I'm learning that letting go of the guilt is difficult - but a worthy endeavour. So I'll keep at it.
Now - I've spent too long writing this while Trystan waits for me to read him his good night story...the guilt is KILLING me!! I gotta' go.
G'Night
Friday 20 January 2012
Cups of Sugar
It was not long after we moved into our current home that one of our neighbours showed up at the door with a pint of fresh blueberries. I was delighted - not only with the friendly gesture but what it represented. Old school neighbourly values. Could it be that we were lucky enough to have moved into a milk and cookie neighbourhood? The kind where people knock on each others doors and borrow things like sugar, or eggs, or garden tools??
Sure enough - the next neighbour we met offered us open access to his shed - any gardening tool we may need including his lawn mower. "Young people just starting out shouldn't have to go out and buy all these things" he said.
Next thing that happened - one of our young teenage neighbours knocked on the door looking shy. " My Mom and I are baking cookies and we're short one egg" he explained "would you mind?". I giggled, gave him the egg and thanked him for coming over!
Our relations with most of our neighbours have continued on like this for the past three years and only continue to get better. When our second son was born many of them - even those we rarely see - stopped in with welcome gifts for Loukah and big brother gifts for Trystan. Some baked, others checked in regularly to see how we were doing. One of our neighbours spent three days helping Eric with bathroom renovations and teaching him how to do drywall!!
It happens frequently that some anonymous person brings my garbage cans in or clears the snow from the end of my driveway before I get the chance (especially on the weeks I alone with the boys - I think they keep track! lol ). It's wonderful.
We try to give back where we can. We bring in garbage cans, we take around baking when we've made something. We house sit or take out trash for people when they go on vacation. We genuinely like and care for our neighbours. It's a very warm feeling.
We know that this is not the norm these days. I grew up in a neighbourhood like this so it's familiar to me. To Eric it's a little odd. Charming, but odd. Many of our friends comment that they don't even know their neighbours names! I think it's a sign of our busy lives. The fact that we don't often have the time or the energy or the inclination to say hello and start a conversation. I think it's also often a matter of circumstances. People feel shy, don't know how to start a conversation. Maybe they aren't outside much.
After you've lived somewhere for a while it gets harder to introduce yourself and ask "What's your name" because you feel it should have been done long ago. I know these feelings, I've been there. We had one neighbour who was not part of the friendly exchange. They are a little more particular and guarded. But this past summer I got up some nerve and started talking plants with her. Soon we were exchanging perennials and chatting over the fence!
I'm thinking of all this, this week because we've had a lot of snow recently and my helpful neighbours have really made a difference in my getting through it all. I keep wondering - what would I have done? What if no one had ever knocked on our door? Would I have knocked on theirs?? I'm not sure I would have. I can't imagine how isolated and stressful it would be if I were here on my own with the boys and the snow and didn't feel I could reach out to those around me!
So...let this be a lesson to us all. A reminder to me for the future- and maybe a challenge to anyone reading this who doesn't know their neighbours. BORROW A CUP OF SUGAR!! You don't even have to need it! It's not about the sugar! It's about starting a conversation. Making a connection. Building a sense of community. I think we all need to extend ourselves just a little. Because you never know when you may need those neighbours or they may need you! If you're lucky it'll be a bit of both! What a lovely feeling it is :)
G'Night
Sure enough - the next neighbour we met offered us open access to his shed - any gardening tool we may need including his lawn mower. "Young people just starting out shouldn't have to go out and buy all these things" he said.
Next thing that happened - one of our young teenage neighbours knocked on the door looking shy. " My Mom and I are baking cookies and we're short one egg" he explained "would you mind?". I giggled, gave him the egg and thanked him for coming over!
Our relations with most of our neighbours have continued on like this for the past three years and only continue to get better. When our second son was born many of them - even those we rarely see - stopped in with welcome gifts for Loukah and big brother gifts for Trystan. Some baked, others checked in regularly to see how we were doing. One of our neighbours spent three days helping Eric with bathroom renovations and teaching him how to do drywall!!
It happens frequently that some anonymous person brings my garbage cans in or clears the snow from the end of my driveway before I get the chance (especially on the weeks I alone with the boys - I think they keep track! lol ). It's wonderful.
We try to give back where we can. We bring in garbage cans, we take around baking when we've made something. We house sit or take out trash for people when they go on vacation. We genuinely like and care for our neighbours. It's a very warm feeling.
We know that this is not the norm these days. I grew up in a neighbourhood like this so it's familiar to me. To Eric it's a little odd. Charming, but odd. Many of our friends comment that they don't even know their neighbours names! I think it's a sign of our busy lives. The fact that we don't often have the time or the energy or the inclination to say hello and start a conversation. I think it's also often a matter of circumstances. People feel shy, don't know how to start a conversation. Maybe they aren't outside much.
After you've lived somewhere for a while it gets harder to introduce yourself and ask "What's your name" because you feel it should have been done long ago. I know these feelings, I've been there. We had one neighbour who was not part of the friendly exchange. They are a little more particular and guarded. But this past summer I got up some nerve and started talking plants with her. Soon we were exchanging perennials and chatting over the fence!
I'm thinking of all this, this week because we've had a lot of snow recently and my helpful neighbours have really made a difference in my getting through it all. I keep wondering - what would I have done? What if no one had ever knocked on our door? Would I have knocked on theirs?? I'm not sure I would have. I can't imagine how isolated and stressful it would be if I were here on my own with the boys and the snow and didn't feel I could reach out to those around me!
So...let this be a lesson to us all. A reminder to me for the future- and maybe a challenge to anyone reading this who doesn't know their neighbours. BORROW A CUP OF SUGAR!! You don't even have to need it! It's not about the sugar! It's about starting a conversation. Making a connection. Building a sense of community. I think we all need to extend ourselves just a little. Because you never know when you may need those neighbours or they may need you! If you're lucky it'll be a bit of both! What a lovely feeling it is :)
G'Night
Sunday 15 January 2012
Thoughtful notes
We were rearranging the house this weekend and I came across some old notebooks. One in particular caught my attention - it's the notebook I used while attending an Ethics conference through work. It was a really unique and wonderful experience and there was a lot of discussion about Mercy. I remember being inspired by many of the speakers that weekend. My notes are kind of scattered and incoherent but when tied together I find them provoking. I thought I'd share some of them because I think it's a beautiful topic - Mercy - and a word often forgotten in our society. I hope some of these notes touch and inspire you the way they did me.
'It's less painful to exclude yourself than to be asked to leave'
Mercy is the social power that "welcomes back".
Mercy isn't about giving a person what they want. It's about being fair and honest in your response to them, in respecting them as equal and recognising their value and unique experience.
Mercy is possible where ever people are in contact with other people
Mercy is when we stop fixing and engage the individual in finding happiness through being at peace with who they are.
Mutual regard is the essence of human life'
Healing comes when we stop looking externally and begin to look within.
Words to ponder.
G'Night
'It's less painful to exclude yourself than to be asked to leave'
Mercy is the social power that "welcomes back".
Mercy isn't about giving a person what they want. It's about being fair and honest in your response to them, in respecting them as equal and recognising their value and unique experience.
Mercy is possible where ever people are in contact with other people
Mercy is when we stop fixing and engage the individual in finding happiness through being at peace with who they are.
Mutual regard is the essence of human life'
Healing comes when we stop looking externally and begin to look within.
Words to ponder.
G'Night
Saturday 14 January 2012
Lemonade
Who invented Lemonade?
Who ever it was must have been an optimist.
Same with Cranberry Juice - and wine!
Who else could take a sour nasty, rank piece of fruit and say "Hey! I bet this would taste good if....!"
The people who first started eating cheese deserve some credit too. Talk about positive thinking! "Let's scrape the mold off and eat the stuff underneath! I bet it'll be great on crackers!"
We owe a lot to this type of thinking. I mean seriously! Wine and cheese!!
We can learn a lot too.
About taking what looks like a negative and finding the positive.
I've been thinking about this a lot recently as I read the Facebook posts of friends and family who excitedly count down the days until they leave winter behind and head off on their tropical vacations. I must admit I have a wee bit of travel envy - and wouldn't complain about a little colour on my cheeks. But truly - I'm loving winter!
I think a lot of people dread winter because of the snow shovelling and the cold chill down their neck - that's logical. And who could claim to enjoy that insulting gust if wind that sends a clump of snow down the back of your neck. BUT there is another side to winter. The part where you get to come in from the cold and warm yourself with hot chocolate and cosy family meals. The part where you invite friends over to watch a movie, drink tea or even better - go tobogganing!!
Believe it or not - as a stay at home mom I find winter easier than the fall. we venture outside as often as possible. Trystan plays while I shovel. Loukah takes deeper longer naps and wakes up more cheerful than ever. We have invented a game in which I shovel every last stitch of snow into a huge mound. It's now taller than me. I've even shovelled the lawn! lol This is Trystans castle - or his mountain - or the scene of his most recent 'Survivor Challenge' depending on the mood of the day. It works beautifully. He plays delightedly and I get my exercises! (The hardest thing to work into the day when home alone). We go on 'snowy walks'. Trystan rides in the toboggan behind me while I push Loukah's stroller. We go hunting for Frosty - or seeking Santa. If it's nice enough we go out after dark and look at the lights!
This is my lemonaid! The sweet taste of happiness in the middle of what could potentially be a very sour season.
Life is like that isn't it? A piece of juicy fruit. You can accept it's bitter layers - or squeeze out every drop and sweeten it just to your liking!
So....are you a squeezer??
G'Night
Who ever it was must have been an optimist.
Same with Cranberry Juice - and wine!
Who else could take a sour nasty, rank piece of fruit and say "Hey! I bet this would taste good if....!"
The people who first started eating cheese deserve some credit too. Talk about positive thinking! "Let's scrape the mold off and eat the stuff underneath! I bet it'll be great on crackers!"
We owe a lot to this type of thinking. I mean seriously! Wine and cheese!!
We can learn a lot too.
About taking what looks like a negative and finding the positive.
I've been thinking about this a lot recently as I read the Facebook posts of friends and family who excitedly count down the days until they leave winter behind and head off on their tropical vacations. I must admit I have a wee bit of travel envy - and wouldn't complain about a little colour on my cheeks. But truly - I'm loving winter!
I think a lot of people dread winter because of the snow shovelling and the cold chill down their neck - that's logical. And who could claim to enjoy that insulting gust if wind that sends a clump of snow down the back of your neck. BUT there is another side to winter. The part where you get to come in from the cold and warm yourself with hot chocolate and cosy family meals. The part where you invite friends over to watch a movie, drink tea or even better - go tobogganing!!
Believe it or not - as a stay at home mom I find winter easier than the fall. we venture outside as often as possible. Trystan plays while I shovel. Loukah takes deeper longer naps and wakes up more cheerful than ever. We have invented a game in which I shovel every last stitch of snow into a huge mound. It's now taller than me. I've even shovelled the lawn! lol This is Trystans castle - or his mountain - or the scene of his most recent 'Survivor Challenge' depending on the mood of the day. It works beautifully. He plays delightedly and I get my exercises! (The hardest thing to work into the day when home alone). We go on 'snowy walks'. Trystan rides in the toboggan behind me while I push Loukah's stroller. We go hunting for Frosty - or seeking Santa. If it's nice enough we go out after dark and look at the lights!
This is my lemonaid! The sweet taste of happiness in the middle of what could potentially be a very sour season.
Life is like that isn't it? A piece of juicy fruit. You can accept it's bitter layers - or squeeze out every drop and sweeten it just to your liking!
So....are you a squeezer??
G'Night
Thursday 12 January 2012
Old Journals
Journaling is such a great thing. It's a chance to record your thoughts etc - but what's really cool is when you go back and read old entries that hit home in a big way many years later. I always think that means you've travelled the right path...it's a sort of synchronicity between the old you and the you you are today. I've been reading through some old entries and a couple have really hit hard. Given that Mothering seems to have emerged as my recent theme I thought I'd share this one. I think it was written about 10 years ago.
"It's funny how sometimes things you've known in your heart for years come flooding into your brain like an epiphany. Like the sudden realisation that your parents are always going to be "Mom and Dad" and the house they live in will always be "home". Maybe it's because they bring the things you grew up with. Maybe it's because there are pictures and stories and blankets that bring moments and memories flooding back. For me I think maybe it's the simple fact that - to them - I will always be that little girl that loved to dance on the piano bench and stare out the window looking at "all the people". It's sad and wonderful all at once.
Under the roofs that kept me warm and dry and loved for so many years I've learned and grown and become a woman - Wonderful
I've had to learn many a lesson the hard way, there have been times when I felt pretty pitiful - even jaded. Not that little girl at all - Sad
I've experienced and grown to understand my life lessons in a way that shapes who I become and will influence the environment my own children will grow up in - wonderful.
No matter how low I got my parents were always there to remind me of who I was as a child - who I was to them - and who I could be, if I wanted to be again - Unspeakable magic "
A dear friend pointed out to me recently that I am one of her few friends who not only can tolerate my parents for extended periods of time- but looks forward to visits. She asked me what I thought the secret was. What was it that they did - or didn't do that keeps me coming back. At first I was taken aback. Is it really that unusual?? I'd never thought about it. It is possible that my children could grow up and not want to visit me?? This is terrifying!! Then I thought about it - and have continued to think about it since. What is it?? It's this....the stuff this 10 year old journal entry was getting at. The pure love, the acceptance. The quirky imperfections and the humour. The fact that there is no pressure to be anything - except happy - true to ourselves. My parents didn't raise me to be a certain person. Of course they instilled their values and ideals. But they didn't try to shape me. Instead, they noticed who I was and nurtured that. Helped me to remember when I felt lost and have been endlessly supportive.
This will be my unwavering goal as a mother. And if all goes well, my kids will visit me too ;D
G'Night
"It's funny how sometimes things you've known in your heart for years come flooding into your brain like an epiphany. Like the sudden realisation that your parents are always going to be "Mom and Dad" and the house they live in will always be "home". Maybe it's because they bring the things you grew up with. Maybe it's because there are pictures and stories and blankets that bring moments and memories flooding back. For me I think maybe it's the simple fact that - to them - I will always be that little girl that loved to dance on the piano bench and stare out the window looking at "all the people". It's sad and wonderful all at once.
Under the roofs that kept me warm and dry and loved for so many years I've learned and grown and become a woman - Wonderful
I've had to learn many a lesson the hard way, there have been times when I felt pretty pitiful - even jaded. Not that little girl at all - Sad
I've experienced and grown to understand my life lessons in a way that shapes who I become and will influence the environment my own children will grow up in - wonderful.
No matter how low I got my parents were always there to remind me of who I was as a child - who I was to them - and who I could be, if I wanted to be again - Unspeakable magic "
A dear friend pointed out to me recently that I am one of her few friends who not only can tolerate my parents for extended periods of time- but looks forward to visits. She asked me what I thought the secret was. What was it that they did - or didn't do that keeps me coming back. At first I was taken aback. Is it really that unusual?? I'd never thought about it. It is possible that my children could grow up and not want to visit me?? This is terrifying!! Then I thought about it - and have continued to think about it since. What is it?? It's this....the stuff this 10 year old journal entry was getting at. The pure love, the acceptance. The quirky imperfections and the humour. The fact that there is no pressure to be anything - except happy - true to ourselves. My parents didn't raise me to be a certain person. Of course they instilled their values and ideals. But they didn't try to shape me. Instead, they noticed who I was and nurtured that. Helped me to remember when I felt lost and have been endlessly supportive.
This will be my unwavering goal as a mother. And if all goes well, my kids will visit me too ;D
G'Night
Wednesday 11 January 2012
A quick Tidbit about TimBits
I have a theory.
You can determine a persons level of contentment by the way they order timbits.
6 or more: may require some therapy or at least is in need of a vacation
3-5: relatively happy person who just feels a little something is missing ( may have been breakfast ;))
1-2: a generally satisfied individual
Less than 1: Self actualized
Maslow had it wrong
I'll just have a bite of yours!
G'Night
(Mom and Dad)
You can determine a persons level of contentment by the way they order timbits.
6 or more: may require some therapy or at least is in need of a vacation
3-5: relatively happy person who just feels a little something is missing ( may have been breakfast ;))
1-2: a generally satisfied individual
Less than 1: Self actualized
Maslow had it wrong
I'll just have a bite of yours!
G'Night
(Mom and Dad)
Even Insomnia has an upside
The insomnia started sometime during my second pregnancy. It comes and goes and has never lasted for more than two weeks. Usually it's caused by Restless Leg Syndrome - sometimes it's caused by....I don't know - life I guess.
The first time I had insomnia really badly (for an extended time) was shortly after Loukah was born. Eric had gone to work so I was alone with the boys, and I couldn't fall asleep - or stay asleep. I tried everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Every suggestion anyone had to offer and everything I had ever suggested to clients at work. It was not only useless but agonisingly frustrating. I came to wonder how it was after all these years none of my clients had ever punched me in the face? lol...all the time spent offering well meaning, completely crappy ideas! What a bunch of kind and patient folks I've been working with!
Upside number one - I will be a better case worker because I will have more empathy and less handy dandy BS to offer.
My typical way of managing sleep issues is to try to relax. I tell myself I may not be sleeping but at least I can try to rest. This is not as easy as it sounds when your legs are doing the holky pokey all by themselves...but I try. I let my mind wander - try to think about pleasant things - try to appreciate the quiet.
Upside number two - I have a little time to myself in a quiet house
Recently I've had a lot on my mind. Starting this Blog has been kind of like opening a public diary and it's got me doing a lot of soul searching. Writing about mothering in particular has been a revelation. I always knew I wanted children in my life - be they mine - other peoples - family - adopted....somehow or another I would be sure to have the presence of children. AND I love being a mother! But this is only one role I play - a small and solitary part of who I am.
Upside number three - soul searching
I've spent some time staring at the ceiling and asking myself - who I am now....who do I want to be...and what do I need in order to bring back the balance (who knows - maybe this will solve some of the insomnia?!?) I haven't come up with all the answers...but I have a few good ideas.
First and foremost I am a people person.
I love people...they fascinate me. They entertain - inspire - at times disappoint me. At the end of the day I know in my heart that the nature of people is fundamentally good.
I am an optimist
I am very athletic in my heart - only average athletic in my body....but I can dance like a Demon on fire!! I have MUSIC in my SOUL !! :D
I value compassion above all other traits. I believe that without compassion nothing else works.
I WANT to be...
A go getter (but I'm kind of lazy ...teehee)
Inspirational (but my life is pretty average ...ah well...)
Skinny (but I love sweet things...yummm..)
I will settle for...
Children who know they are loved and grow up understanding compassion
A family and friends who understand the depths to which I cherish them.
Retro 70's furnishing in a well built home lol ( you gotta' see it to believe it!)
I will not settle for...
Forgetting my own goals (like going back to school - or doing foreign aid work)
Growing sedentary
Standing idly by while others suffer
There is alot more I'm still thinking about. My life's passion, deepest regret, purest goal. I'm far from having it figured out. Which leads to
Upside number four- You always know there will be time to think about it some more.
I'd prefer a tropical vacation with a bottle of wine and my journal.
Instead I have insomnia and this blog.
Ah....could be much worse ;)
G'Night
The first time I had insomnia really badly (for an extended time) was shortly after Loukah was born. Eric had gone to work so I was alone with the boys, and I couldn't fall asleep - or stay asleep. I tried everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Every suggestion anyone had to offer and everything I had ever suggested to clients at work. It was not only useless but agonisingly frustrating. I came to wonder how it was after all these years none of my clients had ever punched me in the face? lol...all the time spent offering well meaning, completely crappy ideas! What a bunch of kind and patient folks I've been working with!
Upside number one - I will be a better case worker because I will have more empathy and less handy dandy BS to offer.
My typical way of managing sleep issues is to try to relax. I tell myself I may not be sleeping but at least I can try to rest. This is not as easy as it sounds when your legs are doing the holky pokey all by themselves...but I try. I let my mind wander - try to think about pleasant things - try to appreciate the quiet.
Upside number two - I have a little time to myself in a quiet house
Recently I've had a lot on my mind. Starting this Blog has been kind of like opening a public diary and it's got me doing a lot of soul searching. Writing about mothering in particular has been a revelation. I always knew I wanted children in my life - be they mine - other peoples - family - adopted....somehow or another I would be sure to have the presence of children. AND I love being a mother! But this is only one role I play - a small and solitary part of who I am.
Upside number three - soul searching
I've spent some time staring at the ceiling and asking myself - who I am now....who do I want to be...and what do I need in order to bring back the balance (who knows - maybe this will solve some of the insomnia?!?) I haven't come up with all the answers...but I have a few good ideas.
First and foremost I am a people person.
I love people...they fascinate me. They entertain - inspire - at times disappoint me. At the end of the day I know in my heart that the nature of people is fundamentally good.
I am an optimist
I am very athletic in my heart - only average athletic in my body....but I can dance like a Demon on fire!! I have MUSIC in my SOUL !! :D
I value compassion above all other traits. I believe that without compassion nothing else works.
I WANT to be...
A go getter (but I'm kind of lazy ...teehee)
Inspirational (but my life is pretty average ...ah well...)
Skinny (but I love sweet things...yummm..)
I will settle for...
Children who know they are loved and grow up understanding compassion
A family and friends who understand the depths to which I cherish them.
Retro 70's furnishing in a well built home lol ( you gotta' see it to believe it!)
I will not settle for...
Forgetting my own goals (like going back to school - or doing foreign aid work)
Growing sedentary
Standing idly by while others suffer
There is alot more I'm still thinking about. My life's passion, deepest regret, purest goal. I'm far from having it figured out. Which leads to
Upside number four- You always know there will be time to think about it some more.
I'd prefer a tropical vacation with a bottle of wine and my journal.
Instead I have insomnia and this blog.
Ah....could be much worse ;)
G'Night
Tuesday 10 January 2012
Essence
This is the way it feels today...
The essence of life is not something that can be found packaged or bottled, or at the end of any long journey.
It is rather seen in the adouring eyes of your lover.
Heard in the laughter of children.
Smelled in the air after an early autumn rain.
Felt in the warm touch of sand running through your toes. Or the chill as you walk bare foot in the snow.
There is no definition, no description, no explanation.
There is only the strangely exciting moment when you experience these things - often for the hundredth time - as if they were the first.
The esence of life is captured within you the moment you gaze back into those eyes.
Fill your lungs with that air.
Bask in the joyful sound - or better yet join in the play of those children!
You are truly living when you walk more often with your shoes off!
Looking, seeing, hearing, touching - LOVING
Never allowing the everyday moments and happenings to become mundane.
Life is not a conquest.
It's not even a quest!
It's an experience.
Meant to be savoured and cherished.
Meant to be tasted. Used as if it were the warmest cloak on the coldest ,darkest night.
RELISHED
Life is about loving
It's about hurt and forgiveness
Hard work and beautiful rewards.
Life is about giving and never looking back.
Life is about all of the things we most often forget.
Patience- Tolerance -Playfulness
Honesty - Humility - Emotion
Life is an endless stream of choices, consequences and memories.
For even the smartest, and most lucky
The key is the pay attention - listen closely - be willing to accept the consequences
AND most of all, LOVE the rewards.
G'Night
The essence of life is not something that can be found packaged or bottled, or at the end of any long journey.
It is rather seen in the adouring eyes of your lover.
Heard in the laughter of children.
Smelled in the air after an early autumn rain.
Felt in the warm touch of sand running through your toes. Or the chill as you walk bare foot in the snow.
There is no definition, no description, no explanation.
There is only the strangely exciting moment when you experience these things - often for the hundredth time - as if they were the first.
The esence of life is captured within you the moment you gaze back into those eyes.
Fill your lungs with that air.
Bask in the joyful sound - or better yet join in the play of those children!
You are truly living when you walk more often with your shoes off!
Looking, seeing, hearing, touching - LOVING
Never allowing the everyday moments and happenings to become mundane.
Life is not a conquest.
It's not even a quest!
It's an experience.
Meant to be savoured and cherished.
Meant to be tasted. Used as if it were the warmest cloak on the coldest ,darkest night.
RELISHED
Life is about loving
It's about hurt and forgiveness
Hard work and beautiful rewards.
Life is about giving and never looking back.
Life is about all of the things we most often forget.
Patience- Tolerance -Playfulness
Honesty - Humility - Emotion
Life is an endless stream of choices, consequences and memories.
For even the smartest, and most lucky
The key is the pay attention - listen closely - be willing to accept the consequences
AND most of all, LOVE the rewards.
G'Night
Monday 9 January 2012
How do you spell Epiphany???
I don't know - is that right? E P I P H A N Y? It looks wrong - but no matter.
Last night after a particularly strange day coming on the heels of a couple tough weeks in which Trystan is asserting his little Toddler self in Big Toddler ways....I fell asleep...before he did lol.
I woke up at about 3 in the morning and stumbled into the kitchen to make Loukah a bottle - I reached for the formula and found myself scooping peanut butter instead! Next I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I stood there pondering recent events. I can't say I've been particularly pleased with the way I've handled some of T man's behaviour lately. I am surprised by how easy it is to be a good parent when your child is good - and how hard it is to still be a good parent when your child is pressing all your buttons (with vigor and pleasure I might add! lol). I have found myself yelling (a promise we long ago made NOT to do in this home), bribing, and having conversations like... "Stop it" - "no you stop it"!
Oh my God - did I actually get into a "you stop it" fight with my three year old!? For shame Mommy!
So...I stood staring at that little pink card, the one I spoke about New Years Eve. Stood, staring, waivering between laughter and tears. I was feeling amused -yet a little ashamed - and quite tired. Suddenly I saw that little phrase as if for the first time. Today - suddenly I read it from the perspective of mothering. The card in full reads:
"Loving is the whole point
Love Imperfectly
Keep surprise close at hand
Make lots of mistakes
Be willing to live in between right and wrong."
I cried.
I'm crying as I write this. With the deepest most unexplainable sense of relief. Because in those moments when I find my three year old is getting the best of me. Or that I'm failing my infant because he gets no where near the time and attention Trystan got as an infant; I sometimes feel lost in mothering. I fear that I'm doing something wrong. But when I read my little pink card - I think things here are so very right. AND when I think even further about this little life we've built (Eric and I )- it's not perfect or simple but it works. In fact we often comment about how rich and lucky we feel! I think that's because - to the depths of our being - we believe that LOVING is the whole point. Maybe this is lifes meaning? Maybe it's been staring me in the face all this time? The meaning of life isn't just to live it. It's to LOVE.
I'm rambling now...better go scoop some peanut butter for the baby and hang the cat up to dry ;p
G'Night
(with Love)
Last night after a particularly strange day coming on the heels of a couple tough weeks in which Trystan is asserting his little Toddler self in Big Toddler ways....I fell asleep...before he did lol.
I woke up at about 3 in the morning and stumbled into the kitchen to make Loukah a bottle - I reached for the formula and found myself scooping peanut butter instead! Next I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I stood there pondering recent events. I can't say I've been particularly pleased with the way I've handled some of T man's behaviour lately. I am surprised by how easy it is to be a good parent when your child is good - and how hard it is to still be a good parent when your child is pressing all your buttons (with vigor and pleasure I might add! lol). I have found myself yelling (a promise we long ago made NOT to do in this home), bribing, and having conversations like... "Stop it" - "no you stop it"!
Oh my God - did I actually get into a "you stop it" fight with my three year old!? For shame Mommy!
So...I stood staring at that little pink card, the one I spoke about New Years Eve. Stood, staring, waivering between laughter and tears. I was feeling amused -yet a little ashamed - and quite tired. Suddenly I saw that little phrase as if for the first time. Today - suddenly I read it from the perspective of mothering. The card in full reads:
"Loving is the whole point
Love Imperfectly
Keep surprise close at hand
Make lots of mistakes
Be willing to live in between right and wrong."
I cried.
I'm crying as I write this. With the deepest most unexplainable sense of relief. Because in those moments when I find my three year old is getting the best of me. Or that I'm failing my infant because he gets no where near the time and attention Trystan got as an infant; I sometimes feel lost in mothering. I fear that I'm doing something wrong. But when I read my little pink card - I think things here are so very right. AND when I think even further about this little life we've built (Eric and I )- it's not perfect or simple but it works. In fact we often comment about how rich and lucky we feel! I think that's because - to the depths of our being - we believe that LOVING is the whole point. Maybe this is lifes meaning? Maybe it's been staring me in the face all this time? The meaning of life isn't just to live it. It's to LOVE.
I'm rambling now...better go scoop some peanut butter for the baby and hang the cat up to dry ;p
G'Night
(with Love)
Wednesday 4 January 2012
Mothering
We have two beautiful children. Trystan is three now and (true to his name) he's one of the most loving children I've ever met (yes I know I'm bias). Loukah is 5 months and so full of joy I often wonder what life he lived before this one! Those little eyes twinkle like a soul that's seen a lot of beauty :)
Mothering hasn't come as easily to me as I thought it might - or as people who know me may have assumed. I love people and have always loved taking care - but having a child of my own was an adjustment like no other. It took me a very long time to realize that I was someones mother! I still think "how is this possible? I'm someones child NOT someones mother!" But it's a beautiful adventure.
We have a number of friends and family now who have become parents themselves and we enjoy the conversations that stem from it all. The challenges - the funny moments - the priceless quotes that our children come up with. It's quite possibly the hardest job and most certainly (in my opinion) the most important one of our lives. I have often found myself saying "having children doesn't make your life better or worse - just different" and I believe this entirely. What it does offer, in my experience, is an emotional richness that can not be compared or explained. I spend 7 out of 14 days alone with my two kids. By the end of these weeks I am usually pretty tired. I smell bad. The house is a disaster. There's a lot of laundry piled up. But I feel porud and satisfied with what I've done. I've spent a week with my children. We've snuggled, played, gone on adventures. We've learned from each other and loved each other - in a perfectly imperfect way.
I had a conversation with a dear friend today about mothering. About the day to day life of spending time with your child. Everyone does it so differently! There sometimes seems to be a pressure to do more, be more, expose your child to more. There always seem to be those mothers that have it all together, keep the house clean, volunteer, teach Sunday school, bake fresh banana bread. Their houses are clean and they even brush their hair and smell good and the end of the week to boot! It's hard not to get caught up in comparing yourself - wondering if you're supposed to be doing more. I found myself saying. "What you're doing is what you're supposed to be doing" I didn't mean to sound like a line from a movie but I realized it did. "How can I not be myself". After I got off the phone I kept thinking about it - and it just became so powerfully clear. Mothering is not about "supposed to" there is no "supposed to". Mothering is about being yourself - with your child - in whatever capacity feels right. It's about allowing your child to absorb and experience the world through the veil of energy you provide. There's no right or wrong or "supposed to" it that! We are different because of the differences in the way our parents raised us - and our children will be the wonderful people they become because of the way we raise them! So...what does this mean? I have no idea. But for some reason - at the end of this day I feel a little less shy about being the stinky disorganized mom. And I have a little less resentment for little Miss. 6 kids perfect hair! To each their own....and I'll keep mine thanks very much because I have Joy and Love and that's enough for me. :)
Mothering hasn't come as easily to me as I thought it might - or as people who know me may have assumed. I love people and have always loved taking care - but having a child of my own was an adjustment like no other. It took me a very long time to realize that I was someones mother! I still think "how is this possible? I'm someones child NOT someones mother!" But it's a beautiful adventure.
We have a number of friends and family now who have become parents themselves and we enjoy the conversations that stem from it all. The challenges - the funny moments - the priceless quotes that our children come up with. It's quite possibly the hardest job and most certainly (in my opinion) the most important one of our lives. I have often found myself saying "having children doesn't make your life better or worse - just different" and I believe this entirely. What it does offer, in my experience, is an emotional richness that can not be compared or explained. I spend 7 out of 14 days alone with my two kids. By the end of these weeks I am usually pretty tired. I smell bad. The house is a disaster. There's a lot of laundry piled up. But I feel porud and satisfied with what I've done. I've spent a week with my children. We've snuggled, played, gone on adventures. We've learned from each other and loved each other - in a perfectly imperfect way.
I had a conversation with a dear friend today about mothering. About the day to day life of spending time with your child. Everyone does it so differently! There sometimes seems to be a pressure to do more, be more, expose your child to more. There always seem to be those mothers that have it all together, keep the house clean, volunteer, teach Sunday school, bake fresh banana bread. Their houses are clean and they even brush their hair and smell good and the end of the week to boot! It's hard not to get caught up in comparing yourself - wondering if you're supposed to be doing more. I found myself saying. "What you're doing is what you're supposed to be doing" I didn't mean to sound like a line from a movie but I realized it did. "How can I not be myself". After I got off the phone I kept thinking about it - and it just became so powerfully clear. Mothering is not about "supposed to" there is no "supposed to". Mothering is about being yourself - with your child - in whatever capacity feels right. It's about allowing your child to absorb and experience the world through the veil of energy you provide. There's no right or wrong or "supposed to" it that! We are different because of the differences in the way our parents raised us - and our children will be the wonderful people they become because of the way we raise them! So...what does this mean? I have no idea. But for some reason - at the end of this day I feel a little less shy about being the stinky disorganized mom. And I have a little less resentment for little Miss. 6 kids perfect hair! To each their own....and I'll keep mine thanks very much because I have Joy and Love and that's enough for me. :)
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