Mothering

We have two beautiful children.  Trystan is three now and (true to his name) he's one of the most loving children I've ever met (yes I know I'm bias).  Loukah is 5 months and so full of joy I often wonder what life he lived before this one!  Those little eyes twinkle like a soul that's seen a lot of beauty :)
Mothering hasn't come as easily to me as I thought it might - or as people who know me may have assumed.  I love people and have always loved taking care - but having a child of my own was an adjustment like no other.  It took me a very long time to realize that I was someones mother!  I still think "how is this possible?  I'm someones child NOT someones mother!"  But it's a beautiful adventure.
We have a number of friends and family now who have become parents themselves and we enjoy the conversations that stem from it all.  The challenges - the funny moments - the priceless quotes that our children come up with.  It's quite possibly the hardest job and most certainly (in my opinion) the most important one of our lives.  I have often found myself saying "having children doesn't make your life better or worse - just different"  and I believe this entirely.  What it does offer, in my experience, is an emotional richness that can not be compared or explained.  I spend 7 out of 14 days alone with my two kids. By the end of these weeks I am usually pretty tired.  I smell bad.  The house is a disaster.  There's a lot of laundry piled up.  But I feel porud and satisfied with what I've done.  I've spent a week with my children.  We've snuggled, played, gone on adventures.  We've learned from each other and loved each other - in a perfectly imperfect way.

I had a conversation with a dear friend today about mothering.  About the day to day life of spending time with your child.  Everyone does it so differently! There sometimes seems to be a pressure to do more, be more, expose your child to more.  There always seem to be those mothers that have it all together, keep the house clean, volunteer, teach Sunday school, bake fresh banana bread. Their houses are clean and they even brush their hair and smell good and the end of the week to boot! It's hard not to get caught up in comparing yourself - wondering if you're supposed to be doing more.  I found myself saying.  "What you're doing is what you're supposed to be doing"  I didn't mean to sound like a line from a movie but I realized it did.  "How can I not be myself".  After I got off the phone I kept thinking about it - and it just became so powerfully clear.  Mothering is not about "supposed to"  there is no "supposed to".  Mothering is about being yourself - with your child - in whatever capacity feels right.  It's about allowing your child to absorb and experience the world through the veil of energy you provide.  There's no right or wrong or "supposed to" it that!  We are different because of the differences in the way our parents raised us - and our children will be the wonderful people they become because of the way we raise them!  So...what does this mean?   I have no idea.  But for some reason - at the end of this day I feel a little less shy about being the stinky disorganized mom.  And I have a little less resentment for little Miss.  6 kids perfect hair!  To each their own....and I'll keep mine thanks very much because I have Joy and Love and that's enough for me.  :)